news
Newsstand: April 27, 2010
lllustration by Clayton Hanmer/Torontoist.
Police want the public’s help in catching two young thugs who robbed an elderly man on the Bloor-Danforth subway Saturday evening. The story made headlines after seventy-nine-year-old Yusuf Hizel was roughed up and robbed on a crowded subway car while numerous onlookers pretended to sleep or finish their sudoku. Hizel himself was more proactive, following the muggers off the subway and chasing them down the street before losing them because they’re about sixty years younger than he is. TTC spokesman Brad Ross said, “We would like to get these thugs caught…we don’t encourage our customers to get involved with other passengers.” It’s unclear from the quote whether he’s referring to the robbers, the bystanders, or both.
The Toronto Board of Health wants you to turn your engine off. Since 1996, it’s been illegal to leave a vehicle idling for more than three minutes, but as you know if you’ve ever walked by the taxi queue at Union Station, it’s rarely enforced; only about seventy-six tickets issued every year. As a result, the board has recommended that the existing bylaw be toughened up, with the maximum idle time reduced to one minute and exemptions for hot and cold weather removed. They’d also like to see responsibility for ticket-writing taken from bylaw enforcement officers and handed over to the parking police (or Blue Hornets), who could leverage their cordial relationship with the city’s drivers into a more effective enforcement regime. You know what would help? Give the bylaw enforcement officers guns. And the Blue Hornets. And while we’re at it, the taxi drivers. Everybody respects people with guns.
Speaking of idling, a report issued by Get Active Canada says that Torontonians are among the most inactive people in the nation, with 60% of us spending our leisure time in sedentary activities like watching TV or surfing the web. Hey, Get Active Canada, what part of the word “leisure” don’t you get?
In related news, your kids are fat and lazy. Another report from Active Healthy Kids Canada (presumably a small and diminishing group) says that only 12% of Canadian children get the recommended amount of physical activity, with the percentage declining further as the kids get into their teenage years. Turns out a Facebook poke doesn’t burn as many calories as you’d think.
If you’re on track to get your Ph.D from the International University of Philosophy and Carpet Repair (enter by the back door, next to the holistic spa), you might want to check if your graduation ceremony is still on. Ontario is cracking down on institutions offering degrees that haven’t been approved by the Ministry of Training, Colleges and Universities. New powers effective today allow the province to throw the chalk at unaccredited educators directly rather than having to work through the court system to shut them down as in the past.