They Heard The News Today, Oh Boy: Sleeping TTC Collector Edition
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They Heard The News Today, Oh Boy: Sleeping TTC Collector Edition

Every so often, the internet reminds us that it is a horrible place. They Heard the News Today, Oh Boy seeks to combat that by collecting the worst of the worst comments from Toronto news sites and punishing them with words of our own.
Sometimes, you never know what’s going to make the vox populi explode. If you had told us that the biggest news story of last week would be a scandal involving a sleeping TTC ticket collector which turned into an internet meme, we probably would have looked at you funny. But this news story wasn’t just about one sleeping collector, as much as numerous commentators who wanted to pretend that falling asleep on the job never, ever happens in the private sector, and that in the private sector you get fired the moment you do anything that doesn’t profit your employer directly. (Aside: a friend of ours commented to us over the weekend that it took him six months to get permission to fire a delinquent, non-unionized employee in his private sector firm, and that said permission was ultimately rescinded.)
No, this story was really about people expressing their rage at the TTC for sucking in all the little ways that the TTC sucks to their minds, some of which are of course unjustified or simply silly, and others completely reasonable (not that a lot of those showed up on the internet). Combine that with the usual band of “no really I totally live in Toronto” commenters willing to bash anything not in line with their personal worldviews, and a truly boneheaded response from the TTC union representative, and you had a full-fledged internet brouhaha forming at the Sun, Star, Globe, and Post. With extra ha.

Yes, But If Steve Jobs Takes Over The TTC, All The Subways Will Be Creamy-White With Rounded Corners And Cost Twice As Much As A Regular Subway
If You’re Going To Criticize Other People For Their Spelling And Grammar, You Should First Learn To Properly Use Apostrophes
Wait, What Does Sid Ryan Have To Do With The Sleeping Guy? Are You Going To Start Warning Us About Fluoridation Next?
I Disapprove Of Those Punk Kids With Their Hippity-Hop Music And Their Big Pants
And Then Those Union Pilots Always Crash On Tropical Islands With Polar Bears On Them And You Can’t Get A Job Because The Polar Bears Are All Unionized
Even By “Internet Wacko Quoting The Bible” Standards Your Argument Makes No Sense At All, Unless You Think Unions Are The Reason Your Wife Left You For The Milkman
Public Service: Link Contains Malware (And Also Lacks Delicious Chocolate)
“Fact Cats” Are What Happens When LOLCats Become Members Of The Teamsters
I’m Not Sure, But I Think This Person Is Complaining That Busses Are Using Bus-Only Lanes
You Heard It Here First: Public Service Unions Are The Reason That The Toronto Maple Leafs Do Not Score Enough Goals To Win Hockey Games
Somebody Should Totally Start Marketing “Parliament Pirogies.” They Would Make A Fortune
This Guy Was Commenting In Every Single Post Saying How The TTC Should Hire Him And How The TTC Sucks And That’s Why They Should Hire Him And I Don’t Think He’s Handling His Job Search Entirely Right
Doncha Just Love It When Racists Point Out How Stupid They Are?
In Fairness, The Collector Guy Does Have A Really Impressive Old-Timey Moustache
…Wait, What Now?
Where Does “Real Toronto” Begin? I Ask For The Sake Of Accuracy
…Well, It Still Makes More Sense Than Crash Did
I Don’t Think That Word Means What You Think It Means
And As Always, We Close With A Sad Truth