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Newsstand: December 9, 2009
Photo from last night’s storm by Christopher Drost/Torontoist.
Some of us are going to have to watch what we say from now on lest we get charged with being a bitch (oh, the Globe said “witch”? Never mind, then). Apparently, in Canada, practising witchcraft is still an indictable offence, and a Toronto woman recently found this fun fact out the hard way. But don’t worry, my Wiccan friends: “It’s a historical quirk,” says Alan Young, a professor at Osgoode Hall Law School. “It’s not really about occult activity—it’s about defrauding people.” And in case you’re wondering what part of the Criminal Code to Google, it’s Section 365 which, by the way, would make for a most excellent Can-con emo band name.
The city passed its budget yesterday, and everyone is making the requisite stink about backlogs. In a 32–8 decision, the Star reports, “the road repair backlog of $252 million will grow to $310 million by 2019…the 99-branch Toronto Public Library backlog will grow from $43.8 million in 2010 to $78.6 million in 2019—bringing the backlog to nearly $800,000 per branch—and Exhibition Place will have a repair burden of nearly $30 million, from $4 million today.” But good news, everyone: because of a reduction of backlogs in ambulance service, long-term care homes, and police services, the overall backlog looks like it’s going to drop from about $900 million to approximately $800 million by 2019. W00t! Wait—the previous sentence didn’t contain the word “backlog”—and the fact that it only contained one word is no excuse.
According to CP24, “about 250 protesters occupied various parts of Metro Hall on Tuesday in a rally for the Special Diet Benefit,” an allowance that provides up to $250 monthly to those on welfare and disability who have, well, special dietary needs (though, really, if you’re rallying in support of something, you’re not really a protester, are you?). If you’re interested in becoming eligible, just ask Dr. Roland Wong; apparently, he’s been handing out approvals like they’re going out of style. Not because people on assistance can’t live on what they get, of course—he does it because he’s a monster who must be stopped at all costs.
Finally, in case you haven’t looked out the window, kids, it snowed last night. And if it didn’t, today’s Newsstand doesn’t apply to you because you don’t live in the GTA. And for those of you who think it looks all magical outside, a certain Newsstand author would like to say, “fie unto thee.” Except for the fact that a certain Newsstand author doesn’t have to leave the house today. Hm. “Fie unto me,” then. Oh, and “ha, ha.”