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Newsstand: December 7, 2009
If Rivers Cuomo dies in a flaming wreck while touring and we make a Buddy Holly joke, does it make us sound like a bunch of jerks? Questions like this, thankfully, are ones we may never have to answer. Although the Sheezer-inspiring frontman and noted fake snuggie spokesperson was hospitalized with a mild case of bus crash after a highway incident following the band’s Saturday night Toronto show, it looks as though he walked away with just a sore ribcage—which is probably not gonna do any good for his Weezing—and a couple of front-page articles.
Er, what’s going on with that streetcar right-of-way along St. Clair? The one that’s been under construction since Michael Bryant was representing people in that riding instead of running them over at Bay and Bloor? Seriously, are we finally ready to roll down our super-expensive, car-free, arrow-straight, super-awesome throughway of transit triumph…Oh what the hell, guys? The tracks aren’t even lined up right? Councillor Howard Moscoe (Ward 15, Eglinton-Lawrence), a former TTC man with a debilitating habit of saying what he really thinks, is already spewing fury at the apparent screw-up, but Adam Giambrone, the mayor of the TTC, (Ward 18, Davenport) is as confident in the tracks as if he’d personally driven them into the road with his bare, handsome hands. It looks like Giambrone might be right. Either way, cool heads will surely prevail. After all, Adam wouldn’t dare throw anyone under his own bus, right?
Don’t feel too bad for Moscoe. He may have been slightly overeager to admit defeat on the wiggly-tracks fiasquette, but he’s still coming down from a pretty good week of making condos buy year-round metropasses for their tenants.
And we can’t mention the allegedly bad driver and reputedly good lawyer Michael Bryant without giving you an update on his case, which is back in court today! You may remember Bryant, who was the victim of a horrible car accident in which an unimportant man was killed by the car Bryant had the misfortune of driving. No one has any idea what really happened that night, but you really have to feel for Bryant. His good name has been dragged through the mud like so many bike couriers, and his political and personal hopes have been all but dashed. God only knows how he’s going to feed his family—after all who’d give him a job now?
Speaking of bikes, the rest of Igor’s kidnapped loot is almost ready to go up for auction. Something to look forward to? Off you go, that’s all for now.