news
Newsstand: December 31, 2009
It appears as though it’s a little light in the newsroom today, so the Star took it upon themselves to stretch this whole no-carry-on-bags-allowed story we told you about a couple of days ago into a charming drawing-room comedy starring some confused airport workers entitled When Is a Purse not a Purse? Here’s a cute little tidbit of repartee between two passengers that brings to mind the comedic stylings of Michael Scott:
(The passengers have just been told by an airline employee that the book and magazine inside a laptop bag were acceptable even though the new rules said only computer accessories were permitted.)
Colin: As long we don’t have “lots of books.”
Jennifer: That’s what she said.
When Is a Purse not a Purse? is continuing its indefinite run at Pearson Airport. Tickets are still available. (Rimshot.)
Speaking of light news days, Metro has decided to “commit the journalistic equivalent of poking the weather gods with a fairly sharp stick,” whatever that means. Oh, wait—it means that they’re bored and want to complain about the fact that there hasn’t been enough snow in Toronto. Pearson has recorded 14.2 centimetres of snow so far this winter, well above the record low of 1.6 recorded in 2006, so this is news how? “There is certainly snow all about us, but somehow we have missed it,” said Environment Canada senior meteorologist David Phillips, who was likely surprised to be asked about such an inane topic. And if that’s all you have to complain about in your Facebook status, kids, it’s a pretty safe bet that you lead a rather charmed life.
If you’re complaining on your Facebook status that you’re unemployed and living in your mom’s basement, however, you might want to buck up there, buttercup: a recent survey indicates that the job market may be heating up in the coming year. “Companies say they will add more employees to their payrolls in 2010, a trend that will be widespread across most provinces and industries,” said CareerBuilder managing director Hunter Arnold. CareerBuilder is, of course, an online job site, and the survey also indicates that employers are reluctant to raise the salary levels of their current employees (you don’t say), and almost half of the respondents plan to replace current low-performing workers with better performing ones, so…um…yeah. Never mind.
…Aaand that ends the last Newsstand of this year (and this decade). But before we go, here’s some cheap and/or free events tonight. And here’s how to get your broke ass there. Now go forth and get crunked. And for those of us over thirty, feel free to substitute the previous phrase with this one.