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Newsstand: December 29, 2009
Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab is, apparently, why we can’t have nice things. Because of the fact that, indeed, it was a rocket in his pocket and, unfortunately, he was not happy to see us, Transport Canada has issued a statement that passengers headed to the United States will not be allowed to travel with carry-on bags. Transport Minister John Baird has called in more than forty RCMP officers to Toronto’s Pearson Airport to help deal with the long lineups and resulting nonsense that is sure to come from this announcement. In case you’re one of the lucky few who’ll be flying the friendly skies this week, the following exceptions will be allowed: medication, medical devices, small purses, cameras, coats, items for care of infants, laptop computers, crutches, canes, walkers, containers carrying life sustaining items, musical instruments, a special-needs item, or diplomatic or consular bags. So underpants are still allowed? What is this world coming to?
Speaking of waiting in vain, 2009 was apparently the year of the queue as Torontonians stood in line for H1N1 vaccines, crap from H&M, cheap condos, and TTC tokens. The Star found a fascinatingly inane quote from some science type to add credence to today’s puff piece: Richard Larson, director of the Center for Engineering Systems Fundamentals at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, says that “queues have been with us ever since humans have had semi-organized society.” (Doesn’t that sound like the first line of every school essay you had to write on a subject you knew nothing about?) But wait! There’s more! Did you know that “when there’s a perceived shortage, long lines become attractive”? Wow. There’s nothing more interesting than waiting in line than reading about waiting in line. Bet that Larson dude gets all the chicks.
Because we apparently have a thing for long queues when the result is something fantastic, you should probably get in line now for a slice as Cora Pizza gets set to reopen its doors today after being shut down last week by Toronto Public Health for a rat infestation. Admit it—your mouth is watering right now, isn’t it? Mmm, mmm.
And finally, a search firm is looking for candidates to fill the position of CEO of the 2015 Pan American Games. “It is enormous, and I think that’s the exciting thing for the people in southern Ontario to really get their teeth into once we’re able to articulate it more fully,” said HostCo board chairman Roger Garland, who’s looking for someone who has “quite a broad business background” and can deliver projects “to budget and on time.” Turn-ons must also include long walks on the beach, moonlit nights with a warm sweater and a cool breeze, and honesty. So if this sounds like you, and you know how to get business done, Roger’s waiting for you. Call now.