Newsstand: December 11, 2009
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Newsstand: December 11, 2009

Eleven people have been charged and four “embarrassed, contrite and sheepish” middle-aged men (according to 52 Division Toronto Police Service Vice Squad Detective Sergeant Mike Ervick) will get the not-at-all-embarrassing job of acting as witnesses in court after police and city officials executed a search warrant for the Toronto Health Spa at 1 Gerrard Street West. Of those arrested, the owner is charged with keeping a common bawdy house and the employees, obviously, for working in one. Boasting “6 VIP rooms with jacuzzi’s, hot showers, candle lit rooms and beautiful attendants to cater to you needs,” according to, it was only a matter of time before they got busted—what’s more surprising is that it wasn’t the grammar police who did it.
Speaking of breaking the law, the Sun reports that not one councillor, not two councillors, but all of city council broke the law in agreeing to increase the yearly salary of Councillor Adrian Heaps (Ward 35, Scarborough Southwest) the exact amount that he required to cover his costs after losing a defamation lawsuit—not just his legal costs, but also a twenty-thousand-dollar settlement. Really? Is “financial and emotional duress” and being forced to admit guilt “in an effort to avoid personal bankruptcy” all it takes? Please submit your application for motion to Councillor Paula Fletcher (Ward 30, Toronto-Danforth)…
And speaking of councillors, someone should probably send a man in a white coat to have a chat with Carolyn Parrish (Ward 6, Mississauga)—not because she went to an Andrea Bocelli concert (oh, and ripped up and stomped on a poster of Mississauga Mayor Hazel McCallion outside an Italian restaurant before said concert), but because she won’t shut up about it. Not only is she freaking out about the fact that the outraged restaurateur (and owner of said poster) talked about the amount of the bill, but she’s whining to the Sun about how hard-done-by she is. “I had had an extremely stressful week. If you haven’t noticed out here, I’m the Big Bad Wolf and blamed for everything that goes wrong in Mississauga,” she blah blah blahed to the paper earlier in the week. “I guess it was one of those impulsive acts, like, ‘Yeah, the rally is over and we’re getting on with business.'” Hey, Carolyn, guess what happens when rallies are over? You calmly remove posters and actually get on with real business. You don’t go all “Hulk smash” all over the place and throw a week-long hissy fit when people find out that you spent $288 on dinner and don’t think you’re hilariously clever.
And finally, in an update to an earlier Newsstand, the health inspector who lost his job with the City of Toronto was apparently only pretending to bribe a bar owner. Now, before you say that this sounds fishy, it turns out that he did it to save the bar owner’s marriage. Ssh. Don’t talk. Everything’s going to be all right.