news
Newsstand: October 22, 2009
Many of you have likely heard about this through one of your friends’ outraged Facebook status updates (or yesterday’s Newsstand), but here it is for the social-network challenged: the Toronto District School Board is toying with the idea of an all-boys’ school. What makes it news again? Dalton McGuinty likes the idea! No kidding! He’s like Mikey…you think he’ll hate it, but he’s just scarfing down the ideas lately. Really, though—are you surprised? First gays, then blacks…now boys are next in line for a school that caters to their unique needs. Because obviously, people just can’t learn in settings where they are forced to interact with other people. What’s next, a school for girls? Well, math is pretty hard…
Technophiles, rejoice! Bandwidth throttling is OVAH! Actually, technophiles should already know that the practice isn’t technically dead—it’s just pining for the fjords. The CRTC handed down a ruling yesterday that limits the amount and methods of “traffic shaping” Internet providers can impose on their customers. Really, all this means is that big Red can still screw you when you seed torrents—they just have to do it to your face. And with thirty days’ notice. Um, yay?
Apparently, Toronto doesn’t want people running around for charity. And if they do, they need to find another date to do it, lest they have it decided for them. That’s what City Hall is telling the Goodlife Fitness Toronto and the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathons, which were held three weeks apart. On Sundays. Because (heaven forfend) people shouldn’t be kept from driving around in two separate areas on two weekends in one month.
Students are all up in arms about police being all up in their business at school, and they’re organizing a protest today. Not to get out of class, mind you. That’s totally not the reason. Hey, kid, wanna know how to get the man off your back and gain control over your life? Turn eighteen. And graduate. And get the hell off my lawn.
And finally, a bunch of sports mascots descended upon the Hospital for Sick Children yesterday to cheer up the kids (or give high fives or motion wildly at things or whatever the hell they do). Because there’s nothing better than waking up from surgery and seeing a man in a smelly dinosaur costume leering at you. Just sayin’.