Televisualist: Televisualist #100! (Where's My Gold Watch?)
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Televisualist: Televisualist #100! (Where’s My Gold Watch?)

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

The Teen Choice Awards 2009! I wonder if the Jonas Brothers will win something this year? And will High School Musical 3 still have an impact, or is it now too distant in the past to matter? The suspense, it is killing me. (Global, 8 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “King of the Hill,” wherein Homer gets fit thanks to the help of Powersauce bars, and then accepts a death-defying challenge to climb the Murderhorn, Springfield’s tallest mountain. “Marge, from now on I eat all my meals in bar form.” (CFMT, 7:30 p.m.)

Tuesday

So You Think You Can Dance Canada returns with a two-hour premiere—earlier than anticipated, thanks to being sandwiched into the American version’s fifth and sixth seasons—and given that the first season was both a critical and popular success there are high hopes for this second season. So hooray for the return of Tre, Jean-Marc, bitchy Blake, and yes, even Leah “The Tiniest Reality TV Host” Miller. (CTV, 8 p.m.)
It was probably the most unlikely of shows to get renewed, but Better Off Ted managed it somehow. The show concludes its first season tonight with back-to-back episodes. Hooray for quality sometimes sneaking through! (ABC, 8 p.m.)

Wednesday

More So You Think You Can Dance Canada tonight. They have a lot of Canadian cities to visit, you know! Well, no, not really. It’s not like there are ever going to be auditions in Moose Jaw.(CTV, 8 p.m.)
Interview With The Vampire was billed as a Tom Cruise movie because Tom Cruise plays Lestat, who is the famous-est and darkly romantic-est of all the Anne Rice vampires. But it’s Brad Pitt as Louis who owns the film, no matter how nice a wig they made for Cruise. (Peachtree, 8 p.m.)
And if you want more Brad Pitt—Fight Club. Televisualist isn’t going to quote any lines. You know them all already. (AMC, 10 p.m.)

Thursday

When Akira first came to North America twenty years ago, it was a revelation: nobody really knew that cartoons could be like this, wild and violent and gorgeous. Twenty years later, nobody calls it “Japanimation” any more, and you know what? Most of it still isn’t as good-looking, wildly entertaining, or ambitious as Akira is, even if you have trouble following Akira without having read the comics first. (Teletoon, 9:30 p.m.)
CNN airs a two-hour news special called “Generation Islam” and if that doesn’t sound like a trainwreck waiting to happen then we don’t know what does. (9 p.m.)

Friday

Neil Diamond? Live in New York City? Well thank God somebody decided to televise it! (CBS, 8 p.m.)
Mental comes to its two-hour season (and quite possibly series) finale as Jack and the rest of the hospital staff are taken hostage by somebody who believes he is a wolfman. That sounds far more entertaining than the show probably will be, unfortunately. (Global, 8 p.m.)

The Weekend

NBC has the 2009 American national gymnastics championships, just in case you felt you couldn’t wait until 2012 to see tiny little teenagers flipping around on pommel horses and waving ribbons and all that sort of thing. Also, if you really couldn’t wait, seek help immediately. (8 p.m.)
There’s this one dude who keeps sending Televisualist email saying “now that you cover weekends you should totally talk about Merlin” and “why don’t you say anything about Merlin” and “I wish I could be Merlin.” Okay, not that last one, but the rest. Anyway, here goes: Merlin kind of sucks. (CTV, 8 p.m.)

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