Televisualist: They Don't Like The Guns, You See

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Televisualist: They Don’t Like The Guns, You See

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

ABC has some country music festival thing. I am not reflexively anti-country music, as some people are, but three hours of CMA-approved country? Darius Rucker? Kenny Chesney? Brooks and Dunn? Kid Rock? There is a place in Hell where they make you listen to this. (8 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “The Blunder Years,” wherein Homer relives young memories of when he, Lenny, Carl, and Moe were kids. Also, Marge falls for the Burly paper towels mascot. “Fantasize, Marge. Fantasize about Burly.” (Fox, 11 p.m.)

Tuesday

America’s Got Talent begins its semifinal round. Is the dog that catches Frisbees still in the running? We liked that dog. It was a great dog. The rest of the competition, eh, whatever. But we liked that dog! (NBC, 8 p.m.)
Surviving Disaster is Spike’s newest adrenalin-reality show, wherein this time around, rather than try to figure out with computers whether or not the Three Musketeers could beat up the Three Stooges, a Navy SEAL tells us how to survive horrible disasters like what if terrorists try to kill your grandmother during an earthquake in the middle of a nuclear war. We are not sure what is worse: this show, or the prospect of actually being in one of the aforesaid disasters with one of the total nitwits who would both watch this show and take it seriously. However, the fact remains that said nitwits definitely exist, so…. (10 p.m.)

Wednesday

Glee returns, re-airing the pilot which first appeared right after the final episode of American Idol earlier this year. The pilot for Glee is absolutely goddamned fantastic (the ending song actually sold a bunch of copies on iTunes), so watch it, at least. The series may go steeply downhill in the long run, but the pilot is golden. (Global, 9 p.m.)
American Masters profiles Dalton Trumbo, who wrote such films as A Guy Named Joe, Roman Holiday, Spartacus, and Papillon…but who’s more famous for being the most successful member of the Hollywood Ten, those first casualties of the anti-Communist blacklist in 1947. American Masters is always interesting, and this is a particularly interesting life to choose to examine, so it should be a good watch. (PBS, 8 p.m.)

Thursday

“It’s FrankenSHTEEN!” “You men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you’re out with the boys to boast and brag!” “What hump?” “Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven-and-a-half-foot-long, fifty-four-inch-wide gorilla?” Come on, you must have seen Young Frankenstein already. Right? Right? (AMC, 8 p.m.)

Friday

Judy Rebick alert: everyone’s favourite activist is on Allan Gregg in Conversation With…, apparently discussing how technology can create more direct and responsive democracies. I myself am just firing off an angry email to Stephen Harper right now. FEAR MY WRATH, HARPER! (TVO, 10 p.m.)
There are worse ways to kill the early half of Friday night then watching Aliens, so why not do that? (AMC, 8 p.m.)

The Weekend

CBC airs Guns, their made-for-TV movie event starring Pierre Trudeau–alike Colm Feore and actress-alike Elisha Cuthbert. We are going to go out on a limb here and guess that the general gist of this movie is that guns are bad. (8 p.m.)
You know what’s annoying about Shark Tank? Half of their “Sharks” got lifted right from our version of Dragon’s Den! Couldn’t they find five American billionaires with nothing better to do? (ABC, 9 p.m.)

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