Televisualist: Like an Obstacle Course, But With Cars!
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Televisualist: Like an Obstacle Course, But With Cars!

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

The Great American Road Trip concludes. Assuming you were the person watching it. There must have been somebody, right? Anybody? A lot of people worked very hard on this television show, you know. You really should have felt some sort of moral obligation to watch it. (NBC, 8 p.m.)
Televisualist really wishes that MuchMusic would let people know which comedians are on Video on Trial in their listings, rather than which videos. The videos are all sort of the same; the comedians are the real reason to watch the show. Especially when Sara Hennessey is on. What? Televisualist can think funny girls are pretty and cool and awesome, you know! (6:30 p.m.)

Tuesday

So You Think You Can Dance Canada begins its actual competition phase tonight. The mix of dancers is pretty broad: on the male side of things, there’s a couple of really strong ballroom boys, a B-boy, two hip-hoppers, a tapper, and a bunch of contemporary/jazz dancers, including Emanuel Sandhu, who by most accounts has finally realized nobody wants to see a total douche on their TV. The girls are represented by a a strong bunch of contempo-girls, plus a ballerina, krumper, and a great ballroom girl. In short: the raw material is all here for a very strong second season; here’s hoping they pull it off. (CTV, 8 p.m.)
TLC picked up Against The Elements from The Science Channel down south (where they have a channel for everything!). Every episode is themed by the classic “four elements”: earth, air, water, and fire. Which means every episode has an earthquake/sinkhole, tornado/hurricane, boating accident, and, well, fire. It’s kind of predictable. (TLC, 9 p.m.)

Wednesday

Crash Course is kind of like Wipeout, but with teams of two people. Oh, and with cars. Presumably the cars make this different than Wipeout. For example, in Wipeout, when somebody crashes into a wall, it is funny rather than tragic and dangerous. Also, Wipeout is more environmentally friendly than this show. So basically we’re saying that Crash Course starts out with two strikes against it. (ABC, 9 p.m.)
Next of Kin is on Televisualist’s personal list of “Terrible Movies That Are Awesome,” mostly because it is about Patrick Swayze being a hillbilly out for revenge. Let us repeat that: Patrick Swayze is a hillbilly out for revenge. That honestly should have been the title. (Peachtree, 8 p.m.)

Thursday

If you’re stoked for The Final Destination—which probably should have been Final Destination 4 or Final Destination 3D but those titles were apparently too predictable—then Space airs…Final Destination 2. Wait, the sequel? Not the original? Is the sequel the best one now? Is it the Wrath of Khan of Final Destination movies? I only saw the first one. I honestly have no idea. (Space, 9 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo,” wherein the Simpsons go to Japan. A lot of fun. “Hey, you know, I once knew a man from Nantucket. Let’s just say the stories about him are greatly exaggerated.” (CFMT, 10 p.m.)

Friday

Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader returns! You were no doubt suffering from Jeff Foxworthy withdrawal. No? Pretend you were. (Fox, 8 p.m.)
Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie! It’s like High School Musical except there’s no singing and also people do magic! Okay, it’s not really that much at all like High School Musical, except for the careful pretense that teenagers never, ever think about sex. In which case, it’s a lot like High School Musical after all. (Family Channel, 8 p.m.)

The Weekend

Televisualist thinks Hung is pretty weak sauce: more on the level of John In Cincinatti, rather than a new Six Feet Under. The jokes frequently don’t work and Thomas Jane just doesn’t seem comfortable with the big-dick jokes, so they tend to lie flat. We gave it a few chances. That was enough. (TMN, 10 p.m.)
Warning: Serenity airs on Space. Be careful; airings of Serenity have in the past revealed perfectly normal people to actually be raving lunatics who will talk to you for hours about “Joss’ vision” and how there will never be a show quite as great as Firefly ever again. We recommend buying canned goods in advance, and barring your doors and windows. (8 p.m.)

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