They Heard the News Today, Oh Boy: City Workers' Strike Edition
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They Heard the News Today, Oh Boy: City Workers’ Strike Edition

star-uhduh.jpg It’s not just you, Random Internet Guy.
Commenters at the sites of the CBC, Star, Post, Globe, Sun, and CP24 all engaged in frantic debate about the possible resolution of the Toronto city workers’ strike. By “frantic debate,” we of course mean “endless name-calling, mostly anti-union.”
To be fair, there was a small and devoted minority of CUPE supporters, some of whom were involved in a devoted round of nose-thumbing at their ideological foes. They were, however, outnumbered at least twenty-to-one by the howling monkey brigade that populates the comment section of Toronto’s news media sites, who all apparently remember Ronald Reagan firing the air traffic controllers in 1981 like it was yesterday and cannot understand why David Miller wouldn’t do such a thing. (Answer: it would have been completely illegal.)
The comments helped balance out mainstream media coverage that was depressingly even-handed and not insane, which was disappointing after a month of pretty much everybody in the city treating a relatively short garbage strike like it was the Bataan Death March. (Something that the rest of the country has not missed and that, combined with the infamous “Toronto has to call in the Army to deal with snow” incident, has sealed our national reputation as a city of wimps.) After two weeks, Torontoist started looking under the bed regularly for the plague of flesh-eating death rats that were supposed to arrive in the city in waves, tempted by our tasty, tasty garbage. But there were no death rats. Except possibly on the internet.
Because on the internet, not only are there death rats, but… well. There are commenters.

He’s Going to Escape to the Capitalist Paradise of Kenora!

I Guess “Tact” Wasn’t Something They Covered at the Union Meetings
Some People Still Haven’t Had Enough Time to Get Over the Tamil Protests, I Guess
I Am Of Course Speaking to You, Internet Garbageman
It’s Not Easy Summarizing Proust for a Living, You Know
Nothing Could Go Wrong with Outsourcing Policing to a For-Profit Company!
Yeah, You Unions, If It Weren’t for You We’d Have All Those Jobs That Went to China! Being Paid As Much As They Make in China! With All the Labour Protection That They Get in China! Wait, What?
Because Being a Cop Is Just Like Being a Security Guard
I Bet a Long, Rambling, Vaguely Drunken Rant from a Union Member Is Exactly What Will Convince People of the Validity of Your Cause
Now That’s What I Call Smoove, Baby
Because That Sure Worked Out Well for the NHL
Proof That There Are In Fact People Who Read Liberal Fascism by Jonah Goldberg and Who Took It Seriously cbc-nazis.jpg
These Spoiled Brats with Their “Sick Days” and “Wage Increases” and “Not Being Whipped!” Well When I Was Working As a Garbageman They Started Every Day Off with a Good Whipping to Wake You Up! It Was Better Than a Cup of Coffee
Like Our Heroic Troops, Buddy
“John Tory. He Couldn’t Beat Dalton McGuinty in an Election, but He Can Run Toronto!”
…And Then the Bavarian Illuminati Reap the Rewards! You Can Read About It at My Website!
Huh, I Didn’t Know e.e. cummings Read the Sun
But I Guess It’s Not Too Surprising That a Ron-Paul-Style Gold Bug Reads the Globe
…Well, Yes, Actually, You Do Need To Say More
Hey, Remember When Mel Lastman Said He Didn’t Know What the World Health Organization Was? Or When He Made Cannibalism Jokes About Kenya? Good Times
I’m Sure in More Than a Century of Labour Law Nobody Has Ever Thought of This!
I Would Totally Handle Bags of Shit for a Living If You Paid Me Two Dollars More Per Hour
Get It? It’s Like What They Do Except the Opposite! I Kill Me
Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Children?
But That Would Totally Disincentivize You from Making Any Income at All! It’s Like There’s Some Sort of Curve That Would Describe This or Something
The Endless Whining About Garbage Was Merely a Figment of Our Collective Imagination
I’m Pretty Sure They Would Have Mentioned That If It Were in the Agreement
I Read It in Das Kapital
And We Finish with a Sad Truth