Televisualist: Susan Boyle Susan Boyle Susan Boyle

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Televisualist: Susan Boyle Susan Boyle Susan Boyle

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

Triple Sensation, the CBC’s competitive reality show for actor/singer/dancers trying to make it big in the musical theatre scene, returns for a second season. This time around, one would think Garth Drabinsky would not be involved—you know, what with the felonies and the guilt and all that—but according to all of the CBC’s press materials, he’s still one of the judges. Really, CBC? Really? We understand not being able to find, say, another famous Canadian actress who hasn’t headed south other than Cynthia Dale. But you couldn’t find another producer who wanted a paycheque for being on TV? It’s not like Drabinsky is particularly telegenic. (8 p.m.)
Local television alert: the Harry Jerome Awards, Canada’s annual national awards dinner for the Canadian black community, are on tonight. Did you know Harry Jerome held the world record for the 100m sprint three times and was the first man to get the 100m down to an even ten seconds? Well, now you do, because we like to use this column to teach as well as entertain. Suck on that, Historicist! (ON10, 8:30)

Tuesday

Now that the CBC’s renewed Being Erica for a second season, maybe you’d like to actually watch it? The premiere episode reruns tonight. We’re not going to pretend that it is the most perfect of television shows, but it sure doesn’t suck. (9 p.m.)
America’s Got Talent returns for yet another season’s worth of plate-juggling, magicians, modern-day vaudeville acts and so forth. As a TV critic talking about the Talent franchise of shows, I am now unfortunately required to mention Susan Boyle fifteen times. Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle. No, seriously, they send a guy after me if I don’t do that. He has a baseball bat with a nail through it. (NBC, 9 p.m.)
ABC premieres The Superstars, which is kind of like Dancing With The Stars except with sports instead of dancing. The “celebrities” this time around include Dan Cortese, AKA Burger King’s “Dan Dan The Whopper Man” from the 1990s, and Ali Landry, AKA “the Doritos Girl” from about ten years ago. Meanwhile, those boring non-celebrity sports people are just nobodies like Terrell Owens, Brandi Chastain, and Jeff Kent, who obviously could not sell a Whopper if their lives depended on it. (8 p.m.)

Wednesday

Last week, in an unrelated column, I suggested that Canadian celebrities come back to Canada when their American careers die off and that Neve Campbell will be back “any day now.” Well, I am going to eat my crow because Ms. Campbell appears in The Philanthropist, a new TV series that stars Marc Antony from Rome as a billionaire who uses his money to “change the lives of others.” So Neve Campbell isn’t going to be back anytime soon, Canada! You’ll have to wait at least another six months! (Global, 10 p.m.)
More America’s Got Talent. Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle. (NBC, 9 p.m.)
ABC hosts a news special where average Americans, not prescreened by the White House, get to ask the president about health care. Whatever you might think about Barack Obama, you must admit it is a relief to not have a president of the United States who, in such a situation, might panic and just answer every question with “cheese.” (A-Channel, 10 p.m.)

Thursday

The Game, David Fincher’s first movie post-Se7en, is challenging and intense and really quite underrated compared to his other work, maybe because the plot is more conventional as compared to his other movies. (Well, maybe not Alien 3.) Well worth a watch. (AMC, 8 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Grade School Confidential,” where Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel begin secretly dating. “Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me!” (CFMT, 7:30 p.m.)

Friday

Doing Da Vinci sounds like really freaky porn but has proven in fact to be a pretty entertaining series about engineers trying to build the more fantastic of Da Vinci’s sketched-out inventions, hitting most of the same notes as MythBusters does and being about as fun (even minus Adam and Jamie). Tonight, they build a giant goddamned catapult. How can you not want to watch that? (Discovery, 8 p.m.)
V For Vendetta enraged some nerds back in 2006 for the usual reasons: it was too faithful, it wasn’t faithful enough, Alan Moore refuses to endorse it, Alan Moore is a crazy person, et cetera. But now that we can look back? It’s a pretty solid adaptation. Not genius. Just solid. (Teletoon, 9:30 p.m.)

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