Televisualist: Edie, Dazed, and Toddlers (Crazed)
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Televisualist: Edie, Dazed, and Toddlers (Crazed)

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

TMN debuts Nurse Jackie, the new medical dramedy starring Edie Falco as a gritty sorta-real-life nurse who pops Vicodin (Vicodin addiction is the new alcoholism!) and does nurse things and fucks the pharmacist for Vicodin and has a personal life, and, well, it’s sort of like Scrubs with more nudity and swearing. However, we like Scrubs, and we like nudity and swearing, so we are generally well-disposed towards this show already. However, now that Edie Falco has short hair, suddenly we have noticed how much she looks and sounds like Ellen DeGeneres except maybe slightly meaner. (10 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Three Gays of the Condo,” wherein Homer moves out in a rage and unwittingly moves in with a couple of gay guys. Won an Emmy, and deservedly—one of the cleverest later episodes. Plus, an appearance by “Weird” Al Yankovic. “My eye! I’m not supposed to get jigs in it!” (Comedy Network, 9 p.m.)

Tuesday

Do you care about the Nova Scotia provincial election? (What, really?) Well, if you do, the CBC has you covered with a whole hour of election coverage, from Port Hawkesbury to Canso! Which is about a four-hour drive. Nova Scotia is bigger than you think it is. (Newsworld, 8 p.m.)
If you didn’t see Watchmen in theatres or didn’t read the comic but still have a driving need to experience the story in some way, Space airs Watchmen: The Motion Comic, which basically takes the comic art, animates it sorta, and adds a voice actors audio track. It’s just like reading the comic! Except slower and less convenient! (10 p.m.)
Game three of the NBA Finals is tonight. With a 2–0 lead for Los Angeles heading into this game, can Orlando begin their comeback tonight? And can you tell that I don’t follow basketball at all? Seriously, I kind of want to make Michael Jordan jokes just to steam up the hardcore b-ball fans so they’ll complain how outdated Michael Jordan jokes are. (TSN, 9 p.m.)

Wednesday

So You Think You Can Dance begins its competition phase with tonight’s Top 20 performance episode. Who will win this year? Philip the popper? Brandon the contemporary dancer? Tony the hip-hopper? Carla the contemporary dancer? Asuka the Latin ballroomer? Kayla the contemporary dancer? Kupono the contemporary dancer? Randi the contemporary dancer? In case you couldn’t tell, this year’s Top 20 is extremely contemporary-heavy. Be prepared for laissez-faire hip-hop performances! (CTV, 8 p.m.)
Televisualist knows absolutely nothing about World’s Strongest Toddler and doesn’t want to do the research lest the title inevitably disappoint when we learn of the actual teevee show’s premise. For now, let us pretend that the show will have babies arm-wrestling Hulk Hogan. Because that would be pretty cool. “Whatcha gonna do, little baby, when the Hulkster runs wild on you?” (TLC, 8 p.m.)

Thursday

Rerun of the Will Ferrell episode of Man vs. Wild airs tonight, in case you didn’t have enough middle-aged guys shouting things like “by the belt of Hercules!” while flailing about ironic-dramatically. Somewhere, Bear Grylls sheds a single tear for his lost integrity. (Discovery, 9 p.m.)
Foolproof was a really great little Canadian comedy/thriller about a trio of friends who plan mock-burglaries for fun and then get blackmailed by an actual burglar into doing an actual burglary. Back in 2003, the idea of Ryan Reynolds as a leading man was still at the “only in Canada” level, but now the movie seems prescient. And it’s good to see a Toronto-shot movie actually taking place in Toronto. (Bravo!, 9 p.m.)

Friday

“Fry like bacon, you little freshman piggies. Fry!” “I bet she’s pretty cute once you clean all the shit off her.” “George Washington was in a cult, and the cult was into aliens, man.” “Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N.” “All I’m saying is that if I ever start referring to these as the best years of my life—remind me to kill myself.” “What everybody in this car needs is some good ol’ worthwhile visceral experience!” If you didn’t figure out that this was Dazed and Confused, sit your ass down and watch it. (MuchMusic, 9 p.m.)
Geo Takach’s documentary about Alberta, entitled Will The Real Alberta Please Stand Up?, debuts tonight, and the advance buzz Televisualist has been hearing is quite good: your standard clever-indie-filmmaker-defies-conventions-and-stereotypes sort of a piece, maybe, but learning more about things one already believes they know all about is always a worthwhile exercise. (City, 8 p.m.)

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