Photo of Nuit Blanche’s Poet Tree by Jamie Bradburn/Torontoist.
See? See what we did there? We wrote a haiku in lieu of providing you with a proper headline. And did you see what else we did? We stuck in a jaunty “Tra la la la la” because we still had five syllables to use, and we couldn’t think of anything else we wanted to write. Now, before the mud slinging begins, let’s consider why we wrote such a terrible poem. Was it because the last time we attempted such a feat, we were in grade six, and our English teacher informed us that our poem—which saw the words “Jonathan,” “Taylor,” and “Thomas” arranged in three different ways on three different lines—was “abysmal,” and our haiku-writing confidence was shaken? Yes! Was it also, in (most) part, because we wanted you to know about CBC Radio One’s Toronto-themed haiku-writing contest, and actually spent an hour trying to write a half-decent poem, but ultimately failed and decided to leave the “good” writing to you? Yes!
But along with the good news (haiku contest!) and too many exclamation marks, we must also deliver some bad news: you only have three more days to submit your haiku to CBC’s Powers That Be. And in order to submit said poem to said PTBs, you’re going to have to call 416-205-2001 (oh, and that’s not Andy Barrie‘s cell number—we checked), read your haiku aloud, and leave your name and phone number.
Now back to the good news. If you happen to be lucky, talented, or otherwise gifted in the art of arranging seventeen syllables on a page, you could very well win a copy of this year’s One Book selection, Loyalty Management by Glen Downie. Frankly, even if you’re unlucky, untalented, and prefer to scribble monosyllabic homages to Toronto (or meat, or Canada) on bridges and whatnot, you might as well give ‘er a try. Although this might be considered cheating, we thought we’d throw a few ready-made haiku lines your way: Jian Ghomeshi (five syllables!)/ Hometown hero or asshole? (seven syllables!/sorry Mom!)/ Spuds don’t need gravy (five syllables!).
Oh, wait; we just wrote another haiku.