Televisualist: Model, Waves, and Gotham Raves
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Televisualist: Model, Waves, and Gotham Raves

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.


The Bachelor concludes, and… well, it’s over, at least. If there is any show that Televisualist loathes more than The Bachelor, we certainly can’t think of it. We would sooner watch a marathon of According to Jim than a single episode of The Bachelor in its entirety. (City, 8 p.m.)
Best Little Mosque On the Prairie episode title yet: “My Sharia.” How can you not love this show’s sheer balls sometimes? (CBC, 8 p.m.)
One of the greatest, saddest, and most profound episodes of Futurama airs tonight. “Luck of the Fryish” is, like most episodes of Futurama, very funny, but it’s also one of the few that really dares to delve into the inevitable, everpresent loneliness and isolation that would happen to anybody who went to sleep and woke up one thousand years later. That it does this without ever becoming maudlin is a triumph. (YTV, 8:30 p.m.)


People have asked about Wild Roses and Televisualist’s response is thus: “It is a television drama on the CBC.” Sorry, but a second coming of Dallas set in Alberta? We understand that the CBC is trying to make “popular television shows,” but if MVP didn’t take off, maybe it’s a hint that prime-time soaps are not exactly the CBC’s forte. Then again, Wild Roses actually has an audience, which is more than MVP ever managed, so let us just admit that what we like is maybe not always what everybody else likes. (9 p.m.)
Reaper returns, and we are ambivalent about that. On the one hand, Tyler Labine’s Sock was one of the most annoying characters ever to appear in a TV show ever. On the other hand, Ray Wise’s Devil was awesome, the show got a better sense of what it was about and where it was going as the first season progressed, and it ended with a decent cliffhanger. But we still really hate Tyler Labine. (A-Channel, 8 p.m.)


I know a lot of people watch America’s Next Top Model, but I don’t, and it’s problematic because whenever it debuts I feel the need to say something because it’s so popular, so, uh… hey, Adrienne Curry, the first-season winner, has since not only been a professional model, but also got paid two million dollars to pose in Playboy and married the guy who played Peter on The Brady Bunch. Did you know any of that? Isn’t that interesting? (A-Channel, 8 p.m.)
A bad guy who reads Dr. Seuss books aloud. Richard E. Grant and Sandra Bernhard as the crazily over-the-top evil villains. Robbing a museum with a can of olive oil, a portable fisherman, and a packet of stamps. David Caruso forced to play a mute. Saving the world to “Side By Side.” If you don’t love Hudson Hawk, even with all its many imperfections (and there are many, starting with Andie McDowell and going on from there), there is something the fuck wrong with you. (SunTV, 8 p.m.)


This week’s CBC Doc Zone documentary, Shock Wave, runs extra long (two hours) because it is an extremely important one, being about the potential of a super-tsunami that could wipe out Vancouver. Torontoist wishes to represent our fair city by helpfully suggesting that Vancouverites invest in scuba gear or possibly large plastic spheres in which they could live under the sea. You can do it, Vancouver! (8 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “When You Dish Upon a Star.” A highlight from a low period for the show (tenth season), as Homer becomes a valet to Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin. Ron Howard steals the show, however. “Do I smell vodka… and wheatgrass?” “It’s called a lawnmower.” (Fox, 11 p.m.)


So it turns out that Dollhouse is actually really, really creepy! Who woulda thunk that Joss Whedon’s story about an illegal sex-slave ring (oh, I’m sorry, they’re prostitutes who can do things other than have sex, they’re practically Wonder Woman then) would turn out to be disturbing and unpleasant and borderline misogynistic? We are shocked, shocked by this turn of events. Shocked. Okay, not so shocked. But on the bright side, Helo from Battlestar Galactica is in it and it’s good that he’s getting work. (Fox, 9 p.m.)
Batman: Gotham Knight is interesting. It was a straight-to-DVD animated release that tied into the theatrical run of The Dark Knight and ostensibly was supposed to serve as a bridge between Batman Begins and the latter film. It doesn’t really do that too well, but the five shorts that comprise the “movie” are all entertaining enough and well-done cartoons, animating Batman in a number of styles that aren’t terribly mainstream and thus give a bit of a new visual look to the character. More importantly, the cartoons bring back Kevin Conroy to voice Batman, and as any true Bat-fan knows, the voice of Batman: The Animated Series is the definitive Batman voice. (Teletoon, 9:30 p.m.)