Televisualist: Heroes, Bass, and Daisies Passed
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Televisualist: Heroes, Bass, and Daisies Passed

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

Dancing With The Stars wraps up its seventh season with the first part of its two-night finale, which will presumably have the same convoluted voting scheme the show always has (I swear, cricket has less complex rules than Dancing With The Stars). Your finalists are Brooke Burke, who apparently used to host various reality TV shows; Warren Sapp, who used to play pro football; and Lance Bass, who used to be in N’Sync. Bass is the favorite to win because, well, N’Sync. However, Burke’s nobodyhood has been overcome by the fact that she’s probably the best dancer remaining. Who will win? Somebody! (CTV, 8 p.m.)
This week on Heroes: everybody loses their powers! And then viewers realize that these people are actually really, really boring when they aren’t making CGI do things. Yes, even Hiro. (Global, 9 p.m.)

Tuesday

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving! (Remember, Americans foolishly celebrate Thanksgiving in November. Whatta buncha maroons.) Watch one of the oft-overlooked Peanuts specials, as Charlie Brown valiantly tries to create a Thanksgiving dinner for everybody out of essentially nothing. (ABC, 8 p.m.)
Tonight’s episode of Listed: “The 20 Hottest Baby-Makers.” This episode will conveniently be mentioned in next week’s episode, “The 30 Signs Civilization Is at an End.” (MuchMoreMusic, 8 p.m.)

Wednesday

So Pushing Daisies has been cancelled, and apparently it is in the television critic’s guidebook that Televisualist has to mention it. Okay, now that it’s cancelled, we’ll just say it straight up: this was a dreadful show, starting with a clever pilot and then gradually shoving its adorableness into your face until you vomited, and we are glad it is gone. Glad. (ABC, 8 p.m.)
However, the fact that Private Practice has not yet been cancelled does not mean it is good. Heck, at least Pushing Daisies tried to be original. Private Practice is like a giant blob that ate every other doctor show ever and burps out medical jargon reflexively. KILL THE BLOB WITH ICE! (A-Channel, 9 p.m.)

Thursday

NBC usually takes the opportunity on American Thanksgiving to show a decent movie that the whole family can enjoy, and this year is particularly good because they’re showing The Incredibles, Pixar’s 2004 superhero family flick (still one of the highlights of the studio’s entire output). Alas, poor Syndrome never realized he had the greatest superpower of all! Except for being really strong and smashing things, which is greater in many ways. (8 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Lisa’s Rival,” wherein Allison (voiced by Winona Ryder, back when Winona Ryder was still a big deal) shows up and is better than Lisa at everything, but, really, Ralph Wiggum gets all the best lines in this episode. “My cat’s breath smells like cat food.” (Comedy Network, 9 p.m.)

Friday

Televisualist is willing to admit it does not get the appeal of Practical Magic, a movie it knows many people (mostly who are ladies) adore beyond all reason, considering it has Sandra Bullock in it at the start of her “bad” period, which extends to this day. But, hey, people like it. So. (W, 9 p.m.)
Tonight’s rerun of Restaurant Makeover features Phil’s BBQ, a lovely little traditional barbecue joint down near College and Ossington. Watch the Restaurant Makeover twats completely remove almost everything people liked about the restaurant and attempt to turn it into a trendoid hole like they do with everything, but take comfort in the fact that Phil undid all their “hard work” after less than a month. (Food Channel, 8 p.m.)

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