Televisualist: Chuck, Plow, And Mosque's Back Now
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Televisualist: Chuck, Plow, And Mosque’s Back Now

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

Chuck returns, with a storyline wherein Chuck’s career as a secret agent ends and he is free to go back to his normal life as a megastore retail clerk. (PSSST GUYS I BET BEFORE THE EPISODE ENDS HE RESUMES HIS CAREER AS A SECRET AGENT! SPOILERZ!) Televisualist is glad to see Chuck return, though, since Adam Baldwin is funny and deserves a regular paycheque, and the show is light, simple fun. (City, 8 p.m.)
Monday night’s theme looks to be “return of the awesome shows,” since alongside Chuck we also get Life, the fantastic crime drama with Damian Lewis in it, which is like a weird transcendental crime version of House, except that Damian Lewis’ fake American accent is a lot better than Hugh Laurie’s fake American accent. In all seriousness, though, the first mini-season of Life was damn good television and well worth tracking down if you like good cop shows. (Global, 10 p.m.)

Tuesday

“Canada Votes: Extreme Debate.” This is not the actual for-real debate, but a ninety-minute thing Newsworld is airing, wherein the political leaders of our fair country will try to convince undecided Canadians to vote for them. Televisualist wishes to announce we are unreasonably proud of not having made a joke about Mountain Dew. (7:30 p.m., repeats at 10)
CFMT airs one of the greatest of all King of the Hill episodes tonight, namely the one where Peggy gets tricked into producing “smoosh” videos for an erotic foot fetish site. Other cartoon shows like Family Guy or South Park might have gone all out with it, but King of the Hill’s relatively restrained sense of humour makes the story seem believable, and you really root for Hank to kick the guy’s ass. (10:30 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Mr. Plow.” Enough said. “COME BACK, DIAPER!” (Comedy Network, 9 p.m.)

Wednesday

If you speak French, or have a French friend who can translate for you, or maybe you do not speak French, but are sexually aroused when people speak French… look, it’s a perfectly normal thing, you don’t have to be ashamed of it. Nobody is going to point and laugh at you. We promise. Televisualist knows a girl who can only achieve orgasm when she listens to people speaking German, and she’s perfectly nice if you don’t mind having Das Boot on in the background every time you want to get busy. Sorry, where were we? Right, French. So the French language debate for the federal election is tonight! Granted, we’re not sure who would get aroused listening to Jack Layton speaking French. Well, other than Olivia Chow, anyway. (CBC Newsworld, 8 p.m.)
Little Mosque on the Prairie returns, something that we genuinely appreciate, seeing as how it got genuinely funny over the second season and now stands as the spiritual successor, more or less, to Corner Gas. Rayyan and Amaar’s romantic subplot got pushed forward a bit (thanks to a comic subplot involving an arranged marriage), and the episode about the world’s first Islamic curling team was goddamned hilarious. We remain hopeful that season three will continue to be funny, in its low-key, occasionally too-polite way. (CBC, 8 p.m.)
Lipstick Jungle returns. We are not sure why exactly it is doing this. (NBC, 10 p.m.)

Thursday

It is debate night! The most powerful politicians in the country (and Elizabeth May) debate the issues! It is your duty as a citizen to watch this! (Canadian networks, 9 p.m.)
Of course, you’re not actually going to watch it, because as luck would have it, the Americans have scheduled their vice-presidential debate for tonight as well, at the very same time even, and come on: we all want to see if Sarah Palin accidentally sets her podium on fire. (American networks, 9 p.m.)
Alternately, you could ignore politics altogether and watch a very special episode of Hole In The Wall, where a team of contestants from Flavor of Love compete against a team of contestants from Rock of Love. Again: girls who wanted to have sex with Flava Flav will compete against the girls who wanted to fuck the guy from Poison by playing retarded human Tetris. Why, yes, this is the worst thing television has ever done. Why do you ask? (A-Channel, 8 p.m.)

Friday

The Ex List debuts. This is a “high concept” show, wherein the concept that is high is thus: a woman finds out from a psychic that if she doesn’t marry her destined-to-be husband within the year, she will be single forever. Also, the person she is destined to be with is one of her exes! So she must go back through all the guys she has dated, and… did anybody think to themselves, while they were coming up with this show, “How do we make the story last beyond a single season?” (Global, 9 p.m.)
Sanctuary, a sci-horror show about monster hunters, debuts with a two-hour pilot. A friend of mine recently commented, quite astutely, that Lost changed everything because now audiences expect a television show to know exactly where their show is going right from the pilot, and that in turn audiences are now much less willing to forgive a show that stumbles a bit out of the gate. This bodes poorly for Sanctuary‘s odds, because there’s obviously a lot of there there in this show, but the pilot is, charitably speaking, a bit awkward. But it doesn’t suck, and Christopher Heyerdahl is really quite good as the mysterious villain person. So maybe sci-fi fans will give it a chance. Crazier things have happened. I mean, people thought Bionic Woman was good. (TMN, 9 p.m.)

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