Televisualist: Harlem, Greek, and Olympic Week
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Televisualist: Harlem, Greek, and Olympic Week

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

The Harlem Globetrotters: The New Generation. Presumably these will be just like the old Harlem Globetrotters, except that there will be an android, the Washington Generals will be obsessed with “honor,” and John de Lancie will periodically show up to heckle the team. (City, 8 p.m.)
Outdoor Life reruns the final episode of the seventh Amazing Race, better known as “the one with Rob and Amber in it.” This was a pretty exciting and fun episode, all things considered—Rob and Amber are really entertaing on reality television, Uchenna and Joyce are mostly terrific people, and Ron and Kelly—well, at least Ron broke up with Kelly afterwards. (8 p.m.)

Tuesday

Spike airs Star Wars: Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. Now, judging by its start time, the pod race happens at about 9:50 p.m. and the lightsaber duel with Darth Maul begins at around 10:35 p.m. That leaves you plenty of time to not watch the rest of the movie. You’re welcome. (9 p.m.)
There’s Olympics all this week! Today: gymnastics! And swimming! These sports should be fun to watch because they are indoors and thus Beijing’s toxic air will be filtered before being breathed by competitors. That having been said, you can probably skip watching the marathons. Actually we don’t watch the Olympics at all, but if they’re your thing, avoid the marathons anyway. (all day)

Wednesday

Mike Holmes shows up on The Hour to discuss… well, we’re assuming construction, but who knows. Maybe he’ll talk about the war brewing between Georgia and Russia, from his unique handyman’s perspective. You never know! (9 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Trash of the Titans,” or “the one where Homer runs for sanitation commissioner against Steve Martin.” Not as subtle as some episodes in its attacks on the American political process, but certainly one of the most vicious. “The garbagemaaaaaan caaaaaan!” (CFMT, 10 p.m.)

Thursday

MythBusters repeats its two-hour “Mega Movie Myth” compilation episode, which is as good an introduction to the series as any if you’re one of the twelve people in North America who has never seen an episode of MythBusters. (Discovery Channel, 8 p.m.)
Jurassic Park III is interesting; it’s not as good as the original Jurassic Park, obviously, but it’s way better than the terrible Jurassic Park: The Lost World, if only because of its glaring lack of a young spunky black girl beating up velociraptors with gymnastics. And come on, Sam Neill versus dinosaurs, that’s good movies. (Peachtree, 9 p.m.)

Friday

CTV picked up ABC Family’s Greek a while back, and the show is… well, interesting. Not quite “good,” but it’s definitely got its own interesting little rhythm to it, even if the show is a family-focused dramedy about fraternity life at a university, which seems like trying to make a G-rated version of the Playboy Channel. (8 p.m.)
Tomorrow Never Dies is the Bond flick with Michelle Yeoh. Look, doing this column during the Olympics is difficult, people! On the channels with coverage it’s 24/7 coverage of events that happen live, for us, in the middle of the night, and every other channel is airing the most boring stuff possible in order to save money! This is just another reason why Televisualist hates the stupid Olympics. (AMC, 8 p.m.)

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