We Got Measles, We Got Cancer, We Got A Mediocre Baseball Team

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We Got Measles, We Got Cancer, We Got A Mediocre Baseball Team

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Toronto health officials tied an outbreak of measles to the financial district yesterday, and more specifically to the TD Waterhouse and the Scotia Tower, thus confirming what we have known for many years: bankers and stockbrokers are dirty, filthy people.
A government report condemned the Toronto Catholic District School Board for spending more money on itself than any other board in Ontario, at an average of a hundred thousand dollars per member. John Tory took this opportunity to point out that it is deeply unfair to not allow Jews, Muslims, and people of other faiths to waste grotesque amounts of taxpayer money as well.
Although cancer surgery wait times have dropped, chemotherapy wait times are still problematic, says Ontario’s Cancer Quality Council. The Council added that they had been hoping to downgrade the quality of getting cancer to “Kinda Sucks” from its current “Totally Blows” status.
Facebook added new safeguards to protect young users from sexual predators and bullies. However, this is one instance where we all win, since you are no doubt as sick as we are of getting “Do you like balding, ugly white guys in their late 40s to early 50s? Click HERE to play Naughty Horsie—Online!” in your Facebook notifications ten times a day.
Finally, the Blue Jays managed to very nearly come back from a five-run deficit to win in overtime against the Devil Rays, except, unfortunately, they didn’t quite close the deal.
Photo by Nelson Cruz from the Torontoist Flickr Pool.

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