OHRC Brilliant, Everything Costs More, Gretzky Rumour To Prove False

By Patrick Metzger

The Ontario Humans Rights Commission has determined that Asian fishermen assaulted by people shouting racial slurs were the victims of racism. That’s some fine sleuthing, people.
If your home is heated with natural gas, you might want to invest in some bulky sweaters before winter rolls around. Prices are set to jump by around 20% come July—a wise marketing strategy that takes advantage of the North American “I don’t care about anything that isn’t affecting me right now” approach to life.
In a related story that you’ve seen before, oil prices hit another new high of almost US$127 a barrel yesterday. This most recent increase is expected to be followed by hikes at the pump and the collapse of industrial civilization.
The Tory government may abandon a bid for a seat on the prestigious UN Security Council in 2010, fearing that failure would lead to loss of face in the international body and mean that we’d have to sit with Togo and Lichtenstein in the UN cafeteria.
In the US Democratic primary, Hillary Clinton won a resounding victory over Barack Obama in West Virginia, which is meaningless in delegate terms, but will keep Clinton in the race long after any rational person would have quit.
There are rumours that Wayne Gretzky will be coming to Toronto as the Leafs next GM. However, insiders say such a move is unlikely since, to paraphrase the Great One’s famous hockey philosophy, “You don’t go where the Stanley Cup is, you go where the Stanley Cup is going to be.”
Photo by MissyV110 from the Torontoist Flickr Pool.