Televisualist: Power, Dance, and Grey's Romance
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Televisualist: Power, Dance, and Grey’s Romance

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

A special 90-minute premiere episode for The Bachelorette, the female version of The Bachelor, once again attempting to “balance the scales” by letting the Bachelorette be a rejected but popular contestant on a previous season of The Bachelor. Apparently there aren’t any successful, rich women who are attractive on their own merits for this kind of show. Or, at least, there aren’t any willing to make asses out of themselves on TV. (ABC, 9 p.m.)
New episode of Robson Arms entitled “The Prince of Nigeria,” and I will be terribly disappointed if there aren’t any email-scam jokes, let alone an email-scam premise. (CBC, 8:30 p.m.)

Tuesday

American Idol winds up with Young Probably Gay David versus Older Fake Rocker David in a battle of the Davids. Which David will rise, triumphantly, to claim a musical career likely to end in mediocrity? (Have you heard about what Ruben Studdard is doing lately?) And which David will become the next Bo Bice, Diana DeGarmo, or Justin Guarini? Although hopefully they will end up with better hair than Justin Guarani, come to think. (8 p.m.)
One of the greatest (and, surprisingly, most restrained) Hitchcock movies airs tonight: Rear Window. If you can see this movie without completely falling in love with Grace Kelly, you are probably a demon in human form. Furthermore, if you see someone else watching this movie and not falling in love with Grace Kelly, alert your local priest. (Turner Classic, 8 p.m.)

Wednesday

Okay, so last week we all had a lot of discussion about me saying that Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is better than Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and my point is this: Temple of Doom is more exciting than Last Crusade. I will, however, concede that if the entirety of Last Crusade was as good as the River Phoenix prologue and then everything from the tank chase on, it would probably be as good as Raiders of the Lost Ark. Unfortunately, such is not the case. However, even if you disagree with me, Last Crusade is still heads above anything else out there, and yes, it airs tonight. (Global, 8 p.m.)
Blah blah blah American Idol results blah blah Simon blah blah Paula’s drunk again blah blah Randy “dawg” blah blah death of American culture blah blah blah. (CTV, 8 p.m.)

Thursday

So You Think You Can Dance is kind of like American Idol, except for the following things: the judges often offer good critical analysis and are not always grandstanding idiots, the contestants are all professional-level quality dancers in at least one subset of dance rather than simply being a bunch of interested amateurs imitating whatever they think is cool, the good performances are more interesting to watch than the trainwrecks, everybody involved acts in a reasonably classy manner, and the show does not suck. (Fox, 8 p.m.)
Two-hour season finale of Grey’s Anatomy, which is another one of those shows I don’t watch but I know tons of people do. So: “Meredith and Derek get one last shot at success in their clinical trial; the surgeons work together to free a boy from a block of cement; Izzie helps Alex care for Rebecca; Lexie uncovers critical information about George’s status as an intern; an unforgetable kiss takes place.” Whoa! An unforgettable kiss? Maybe I should watch this show! (ABC, 9 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Radioactive Man.” ZE GOGGLES! DEY DO NUZZING! (CFMT, 10 p.m.)

Friday

Tonight’s Allan Gregg in Conversation With… features Samantha Power, the former adviser to the Barack Obama campaign who resigned after calling Hillary Clinton a “monster.” Power is highly regarded as an excellent foreign policy thinker, though, so if Gregg doesn’t spend the entire interview playing “gotcha” (which he probably won’t), it should be an interesting watch. (TVO, 10 p.m.)
Okay, maybe AMC airs The Karate Kid very frequently indeed, but so what? Pat Morita is awesome. “Wax on, wax off” is awesome. “Sweep the leg!” is awesome. This entire movie is seminal, people! Seminal! (8 p.m.)

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