Televisualist: Indy, Friends, And Seasons' Ends
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Televisualist: Indy, Friends, And Seasons’ Ends

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

American Gladiators makes its triumphant return. No jokes. American Gladiating is very serious business! These Gladiators are the cream of the crop, called up from the Belgian gladiating leagues or college Powerball teams. It’s a privilege to watch them in action! (City, 8 p.m.)
Early Hitchcock alert: The 39 Steps airs on Turner Classic Movies, and if you can stand early black-and-white, it’s really an excellent thriller. It’s been remade a couple of times since the original, but the first version is still the best. Besides, the hero is Canadian, so watching it is, like, patriotic and stuff. (8 p.m.)

Tuesday

American Idol has finally rid us of the presence of Jason “Reggae Smurf” Castro, so we can be thankful for that if nothing else. The final three are David Cook (“the rocker”), David Archuleta (“the Clay Aiken”), and Syesha Mercado (“the diva”). At this point the smart money appears to be on Archuleta, but then again, this is a show that theoretically catapulted Taylor Hicks to “stardom.” (CTV, 8 p.m.)
Do you want to start watching Friends from the absolute very beginning? (Probably not.) Well, City’s airing schedule of the show has looped, so now you can begin a six-month-plus cycle of episodes with the pilot episode tonight. If you pay attention over the next six months, you can actually watch the joy die inside of Lisa Kudrow. (7 p.m.)

Wednesday

The final episode of this season of America’s Next Top Model, and… look, I don’t watch this show, so I have no idea what happens. Tyra Banks says something! A girl cries! A horde of elephants tramples a previously eliminated contestant! Peru declares war on Thailand! I don’t know! (City, 8 p.m.)
Global airs Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, AKA “the one without any Nazis.” It’s a great movie that suffers from being the least-well-regarded of the Indy movies, mostly, well, because it doesn’t have Nazis. But, lack of Sean Connery aside, it’s actually a better movie than Last Crusade. (8 p.m.)

Thursday

The season finale of The Office, “Goodbye, Toby” airs tonight. Ah, Toby, we barely knew ye. Perhaps in Costa Rica you’ll be able to get over your futile crush on Pam and be rewarded with the life of awesomeness you clearly deserve. Just be sure to stay out of human resources for the rest of your (imaginary) life. (Global, 9 p.m.)
Meanwhile, the season finale of My Name Is Earl has Earl forced to pick between Alyssa Milano and his list of good deeds. Alyssa Milano versus scrap of paper. This is an hour-long episode, so I am curious to see how they manage to drag that decision out. (Global, 8 p.m.)

Friday

One of the greatest cinematic abortions of the last decade! Dr. Seuss’ The Cat In The Hat! Starring Mike Myers—oh god, yes, Mike Myers—as the Cat. Place a small child in front of the television and destroy their innocence forever! (Global, 8 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Lemon of Troy.” Those lousy Shelbyville kids steal Springfield’s lemon tree, and it’s up to Bart and Homer to get it back. “Look! Somebody’s attractive cousin!” (CFMT, 10 p.m.)

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