Televisualist: Die Hard, Hair, and Deborah Kerr
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Televisualist: Die Hard, Hair, and Deborah Kerr

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

PBS airs a two-part documentary extravaganza special on George H.W. Bush starting tonight. Learn about his childhood, his rise through the Republican ranks, his presidency, and his idiot son. Well, probably not too much about his idiot son, but other than that, it should be both fairly comprehensive and relatively hagiographic. (9 p.m.)
“Sister Teresa called me Mr. McClane in the third grade. My friends call me John. And you’re neither, shithead.” Die Hard. It turns twenty years old this July and it’s still the best action movie ever made. (AMC, 8 p.m.)

Tuesday

Slice airs the premiere episode of Superstar Hair Challenge, which is like American Idol or Top Chef except instead of singing or cooking it’s hairdressing. At this point, you must realize that Crochet Champions, The Next Great Scrapbooker and America’s Top Pole Dancer are all waiting in the wings. (9 p.m.)
America votes! Yet again! This time it is Indiana and North Carolina getting to vote. I know what you’re thinking: “My God, I never realized there were so many states, especially in the midwest.” But there you go. (CNN, starting at 8 p.m. and going all night)

Wednesday

Everybody knows From Here To Eternity because of the kiss on the beach between Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr, which is famous and stuff. But it’s also got a great performance by Montgomery Clift in what’s actually supposed to be the main storyline of the film (which gets overshadowed by the romance). Plus, Sinatra. Worth a look if you haven’t seen it. (Turner Classics, 8 p.m.)
Televisualist isn’t sure yet if we like Lewis Black’s The Root of All Evil. On the one hand, it tends to trivialize important, genuinely bad things like Dick Cheney or pornography by comparing them with relatively harmless, stupid things like YouTube or Tila Tequila. On the other hand, it has Lewis Black ranting, and better, it usually has Patton Oswalt. Anyway, this week is “Las Vegas vs. The Human Body.” And it has Patton Oswalt. (Comedy Network, 10 p.m.)

Thursday

Survivor is one episode away from its season finale on Sunday, and in case you haven’t been following, this season has been an enjoyable trainwreck, with two contestants forced out of the game due to injury and one leaving because of depression, the hidden immunity idol found three times and played only once due to creative backstabbing, and a final five consisting of four women and one really, really dorky “ice cream scooper” (hey, he says it’s his job, who are we to argue). Be prepared for the inevitable self-righteous jury questioning! (Global, 8 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: Bart vs. Australia. A classic. “Coffee.” “Beer.” “Cawwwww-feee?” “Beeeeeeeeeeaaaah?”

Friday

The very first Christopher Guest joint, Waiting For Guffman, is on—it’s not as good as A Mighty Wind (still the best of the bunch). If you want a different funny movie with Eugene Levy in it, American Pie is also on. It’s a Levy-fest! (Guffman 8 p.m. on Bravo; Pie 9 p.m. on A-Channel)
This week on Kenny v. Spenny: “Who’s funnier.” …nah, too easy. (Showcase, 9 p.m.)
Teletoon airs Akira, the classic anime that is so classic we still called it “Japanimation” when it came out, and which still is better than just about every anime made since. “KANEEEEEEDA!” “TETSUUOOOOOO!” (10 p.m.)

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