Snappy Answers: Playing Gay? Play Along
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Snappy Answers: Playing Gay? Play Along

Snappy Answers runs every Saturday afternoon. Send your questions, be they tough or trivial, to [email protected].

So I’ve been casual friends with this guy, let’s call him Smith, for about seven years. We went to the same high school, and went to University together, and now, lo and behold, we work together. Thing is, I notice now that he’s acting… different at work. The cocky womanizer I know is suddenly talking a lot about fashion, and hot men, and, well, he’s acting gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I think it’s all an act in an effort to get ahead in our liberal office. And it’s working—everyone thinks he’s gay, too, and they love it! They’re going shopping, talking about martini recipes, complimenting each other on their hair. Should I call him on it?

Sure, Mich—if you want your face to replace Ann Coulter’s as your liberal office’s dartboard.
See, the flamboyantly gay coworker is rapidly becoming a required component of the 21st century North American workplace. No corporate environment is complete without its symbols of diversity and inclusion, and nothing makes the grey flannel suits feel better about their forward-thinking outlook than an opportunity to debate the latest issue of Details with the office homo. (Not to mention, at least one of those uptight upper managers is waiting for the perfect awkward moment at the urinal with Mr. Smith…)
If you pull the rainbow rug out from under your old friend’s newly designer-shod feet, you’ll send human resources into a frenzy and make yourself the forever frenemy of his haggy entourage. Furthermore, have you considered that he might actually be gay, and is choosing this new, non-threatening environment to make his first foray out of the closet?
If you really want to undermine what you perceive as an act, just play to his gay: take him to Goodhandy’s for live man-on-man action and read his sweat—hot or cold? Better yet, set him up on a blind date with one of your hot queer male friends. If he’s the same old “cocky womanizer” underneath, we promise his fabulous veneer will crack at the first threat of a tongue slip.

My boyfriend is going to be in town from Scranton on Thursday, May 29th, which also happens to be the night of the season finale of Lost. I was wondering (so he doesn’t have an anxiety attack missing it) if you by any chance know of any bars around Toronto that would be playing it? Any good Lost bars?
Any direction you can point me to will be a huuuge help.
Thanks so much!

Deb, we hate to be downers, but we’re, er, a little lost ourselves.
The Torontoist team has carefully considered the facts:
1. Your boyfriend lives in Scranton. Ew.
2. Your boyfriend will have an anxiety attack if he misses the season finale of Lost.
3. Ergo, your boyfriend, despite living way far away from you, and despite coming all this way to see you after a presumably lengthy absence, is most concerned with doing what on the night of your happy reunion? Watching his favourite television show?
And so, Snappy Answers has decided that the best possible solution to your dilemma is to dump your boyfriend.
Happy long weekend!