Plane Ticket Prices Rising, TSX Likewise Rising, And Nothin's Safer Than Tasers!
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Plane Ticket Prices Rising, TSX Likewise Rising, And Nothin’s Safer Than Tasers!

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WestJet and Porter Airlines both added fuel surcharges to their ticket prices, because it turns out jet fuel is getting more expensive what with, you know, oil prices and all. So obviously this means that you should plan your expensive, environmentally wasteful trip sooner rather than later, when all the gas runs out and the only airline left is the Gyro Captain from The Road Warrior.
The company head of Taser International told a federal government inquiry yesterday that Tasers are “generally safe.” For example, when you are not shoving them into somebody and putting fifty thousand volts through that person, they are very, very safe! And that’s most of the time, right? So on average they are amazingly safe.
The TSX closed yesterday at a record high, mostly thanks to big jumps for Research In Motion (who make the Blackberry) and EnCana (who make oil out of tar sands). Not doing quite as well: ALF International, world’s largest producer of ALF-related memorabilia.
Just in case the events in Myanmar weren’t bad enough, an earthquake in China killed at least 12,000 people yesterday and left God knows how many more trapped underneath rubble. The earthquake seems to not have damaged the already-unstable Three Gorges Dam, which is good because if that dam cracks, it would be…bad.
Jim Flaherty says Canada is well poised to deal with an ailing American economy. He went on to elaborate: “Well, except for Ontario, because you’re all stupidheads who elected a bunch of Liberals, and don’t come crying to us when that works out because we don’t even want your votes.”
And finally, Team Canada beat the shit out of Finland at the world hockey championships. Yeah, take that, you…Nokia-making bastards!
Photo by Marc Lostracco.

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