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Obama Comes Out Ahead, Federal Government Comes Out Behind, Blue Jays Wish They Stayed In
Barack Obama inched closer to the Democratic Presidential nomination last night, winning North Carolina pretty decisively and holding Hillary Clinton’s victory in Indiana to a near-tie. Pundits and prognosticators alike agreed that at long last, Hillary Clinton’s chances of winning the nomination were almost totally nonexistent, now that America has finally come to terms with the fact that Barack Obama is black, y’all, he’s black, y’all, he’s blackety-blackety-black, y’all.
According to the Auditor General, the federal government has lost track of 41,000 illegal immigrants. Public Safety Minister Stockwell Day responded to the news by saying, “Well, if the Supreme Court had let us use sniffer dogs like we wanted, the dogs would track down the illegal immigrants through their keen sense of smell. But we can’t use the dogs, so now what I am supposed to do with the 41,000 old shoes we got from those immigrants?”
Dalton McGuinty’s mother is one of thousands of Ontarians who complained about the potential elimination of the recital of the Lord’s Prayer in the Ontario Legislature. McGuinty told his mother that maybe they could keep the Lord’s Prayer and instead just say other prayers as well afterwards. At this rate, in five years, ninety-five percent of the Legislature’s time will be spent praying.
A new study shows that expansion of the TTC into Vaughan will boost the land values of the surrounding area. The study goes on to explain that bears shit in the woods, the Pope is Catholic, and Lance Bass is gay.
Finally, the Devil Rays beat the Blue Jays last night, with Eric Hinske being a key factor in causing the Jays to lose the game. The bright side is that at least the Blue Jays are no longer paying Eric Hinske to cause them to lose games.
Photo by kalamita.