Home Sweet Homelessness
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Home Sweet Homelessness

Photo of NinjaX, by NinjaX, courtesy of NinjaX.
Four days ago, a kid who calls himself NinjaX (real name? We don’t care) set out to face hunger, “brutal weathers” (that mid-May zephyr can be vicious!), and “the risk of getting robbed/stabbed/raped/killed” (in that order, presumably). What does that spell? Homelessness! Or rather, NinjaX’s Official Seven Day Homeless Adventure: “Stay tuned for lols.”
With only $20 to spend on survival—kind of commendable, actually, considering that’s about the amount we spent on Booster Juice this morning—and another $30 to be used “ONLY for documentation purposes,” ’cause those video texting charges are just ridiculous, the intrepid adventurer put on his best hoodie and headed to…

The Sheraton Hotel.
Okay, so it wasn’t to sleep; it was to steal a water bottle, a clean towel, and a box of tissue—you know, all the standard accoutrements of life on the street. From there, he writes, he “still had two goals in mind: to find a computer and to find a place to sleep.
This really gave me a chance to explore the area a bit more as we walked from campus to campus searching for a library, and when we did, we made our way to China town and got myself some cheap food (ramen) for snacks later.”
And later: “I failed to find the sleeping alley that I previously mentioned, but knowing that I want to see around the campus area, I settled on a bench in front of the U of T library’s entrance… The good thing about this sleeping spot is that you have to walk a big flight of stairs up from the street level to get to this bench, so I’m confident that I will not get bothered by other homeless people or cops. The worst that could happen is a security guard booting me out.”
Not to downplay Mr. Ninja’s audacity in the face of peril, but… living on ramen? Sleeping in the library? Call us armchair cynics, but it sounds like another day in the student life.
But after three such days and nights, the inevitable danger strikes: campus police arrive, waking him from his troubled sleep with such tough questions as, we imagine, “Where are your parents?”
In Ninja’s words: “I bullshitted my way outta there, claiming to be a student that studied all day, who decided to come out for a walk for fresh air and dozed off. They bought the idea of a semi-well dressed hardworking Asian U of T student.”
Really? They bought the idea of your actual bona fide real life? Well freaking played, you sly little Oliver Twist, you! Way to sell it to the man.
And at this point, we have to stop reading, because the adventures of this babe in Tyraland are too easy to mock, and at the same time, too earnest.
We will point out, however, that NinjaX hasn’t updated in over twenty hours; previously, the longest time elapsed between posts was under twelve. Is there trouble in the mini-gangster’s paradise? Has the recent downpour—horrors!—damaged his cell phone?
Stay tuned for omgs.