Televisualist: Smilla, Rob, and Lots of Doo-Wop
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Televisualist: Smilla, Rob, and Lots of Doo-Wop

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

Are you ready for the most totally in-sync-with-the-critical-pulse-of-Torontoist readership recommendation of all time? Are you stoked? Anne Murray: Friends and Legends! With a special guest legendary appearance by Celine Dion! Admit it, parts of your hipster soul are tingling. (CBC, 8 p.m.)
Hardcore reality-show fans may be interested in watching the Survivor: All-Stars marathon on TVTropolis—the All-Stars season (the eighth) was notable for the ascension of Rob “Boston Rob” Mariano from fourth-rate reality-TV participant to third-rate reality-TV star. Interesting, Boston Rob is now en route to jump to second-ratehood by hosting a high-level reality show of his own. But here is where you can see him lie and compete and lie like a champion for the very first time. Well, second, actually, but who’s counting. (Starting at 6 a.m., cycle repeats at 11 p.m.)

Tuesday

Smilla’s Sense of Snow came and went in theatres, but honestly, it’s a pretty awesome little existential thriller, and how many movies do you see that are set in Iceland? We bet the answer is “not a lot.” Unless you’re Icelandic. Icelandish. Icelandian. Whatever. (SunTV, 8 p.m.)
More recognizable to movie fans: A Mighty Wind, probably the best movie Christopher Guest ever directed with his band of usual suspects. Eugene Levy’s performance is both hilarious and heartfelt—wow, did I actually just type that? The other critics warned me about this; I’ll have to go get my shots to prevent future outbreaks. (Bravo, 9 p.m.)

Wednesday

Tonight on Rock of Love With Bret Michaels, everybody suddenly realizes that Poison completely sucked, just like all the other hair metal bands, and all the contestants take turns giving Bret Michaels an “unskinny bop,” by which we mean brutal beating. Well, no, but we can dream, can’t we? (City, 9 p.m.)
Little Mosque On The Prairie tonight is a rerun, but it’s a rerun of the fantastic “Ban the Burka” episode from early in the season. More crazy eyes in this episode than in an entire season of The Jeffersons, and that had Sherman Hemsley in it. (CBC, 8 p.m.)

Thursday

The final episode of Celebrity Apprentice airs. I know you’ve all been following along intently with the hijinks of Stephen Baldwin, Marilu Henner, Lennox Lewis, and Carol Alt, and trying to remember which is which. The final contestants are Trace Adkins, a washed-up third-tier country star, and Piers Morgan, who is famous for being a television personality as opposed to doing anything of value. Can you feel the electricity? (Global, 9 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Marge On The Lam.” GHOST CAR! Hold me. (CFMT, 10 p.m.)

Friday

TWO HOURS OF DOO-WOP! Only on PBS. Come on, who the hell else is going to air two hours of doo-wop? Not MuchMusic, that’s for sure. You know why? Because doo-wop is, at least technically, music. (PBS, 8 p.m.)
The Matrix. On Teletoon. Well, there are computers doing animation things, so Televisualist says it counts as being a cartoon. Loosely. (10 p.m.)

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