Cows And Groundhogs In Massive Anti-Human Conspiracy To Make Life Suck More
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Cows And Groundhogs In Massive Anti-Human Conspiracy To Make Life Suck More

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Cows cause traffic tie-ups on the QEW. Best line of story: “We have someone en route with rodeo experience.” Rodeo experience. To get a cow to move off the damn road. (Did nobody just try waving food in front of the cow’s face?)
China admits that anti-government rioting has spread outside of Tibet to other provinces. However, the Chinese government characterizes the rioting as “very small,” suggesting it is “barely more than a couple of tanks’ worth of civil unrest,” and promises that things will be back to normal very soon so we don’t have to worry about from where we will buy products dangerous to children.
Environment Canada predicts six more weeks of winter. Apparently Canada’s groundhogs, Wiarton Willie and Shubenacadie Sam, were wrong when they predicted early spring; only Punxsatawney Phil correctly saw his shadow. The moral of the story: do not trust knockoff groundhog imitators, regardless of what their nationality might be.
Dalton McGuinty says health tax review will go ahead, even though the health tax is here to stay. The conclusion of the review will be that the health tax is awesome and that it makes life better for small children, adorable old people, and cute puppies of all varieties.
And led by a returning Chris Bosh, the Raptors beat the hell out of the Miami Heat, holding the latter team to a measly 54 points. Afterwards, the Raptors asked if they could get some real competition, like perhaps Oral Roberts University or the Japanese national basketball team.
Photo by parag sankhe.

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