Valentine's Day(ist)
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Valentine’s Day(ist)

Photo by Arieh Singer from the Torontoist Flickr Pool.
The hearts-and-kisses holiday isn’t just for cute couples and kindergarten kids, no siree—or, uh, madam-ee! After the hop, skip and jump, Torontoist has Valentine’s Day (or night) suggestions for every romantic situation.

Long-time lovers, cancel your boring bistro reservations and try something a little spicier: one of Toronto’s umpteen V-Day burlesque shows. Va-va-voom vaudevillians The Harlettes will be shimmying down at Ossington it spot LeVack Block (88 Ossington); cover is $10. The Gladstone (1214 Queen Street West) has Skin Tight Outta Sight for their seventh annual Bump’n’Grind Valentine; $25 at the door, $18 in advance. At Lee’s Palace (529 Bloor Street West), stripshow princesses Sasha Von Bon Bon, Kitty Neptune and the rest of The Scandelles present their unique style of “conceptual cabaret”; $20 at the door, $18 in advance. And even the Annex Wreckroom gets adventurous with Love Bomb, featuring presumably explosive performances by Sex City Sluts Cabaret, Miss Mitzy Revue and others; $10 at the door, $7 in advance.
If you’ve chosen the best/worst day of the year for a first date, test the affection of your potential paramour with surprise tickets to… Evil Dead: The Musical! Yes, Toronto’s favourite B musical is back just in time for a totally killer Valentine’s. Wear a raincoat, bring a healthy appreciation for low art, and cross your fingers your bloody valentine doesn’t leave you loveless after this shlocky gorefest. Tickets range from $29.50 to $75 and are available at the Diesel Playhouse Box Office (56 Blue Jays Way) or online. The show is on at 8 p.m. Thursday, February 14 and runs through April 5, 2008.
Photo by Loser Prince from the Torontoist Flickr Pool.
Singles in the city can a) spend the night drinking gin-and-tears at the nearest little dive bar, using up all their laundry quarters to play “One is the Loneliest Number” three dozen times on the jukebox or b) get over themselves and head to a bigger dive—the El Mocambo, 464 Spadina Avenue—for Open Hearts, a live music fundraiser for Amnesty International. The lineup includes Blurred Vision, Luke Sneyd, Joel Lightman, the Hallelujah Drummers, and Chris Bottomley & Brainfudge. Doors at 7 p.m. $15 cover, $10 if you bring a can of food.
For those who aren’t about being in love, just making it, House of Helder presents Hot Stuff at The Social (1100 Queen Street West). DJ sets by Syntronics, Jaime Sin and Will Munro, and Fritz Helder and Diego promise to make your heart beat harder, better, faster… yeah, yeah. You’re just going for the 95 percent chance of dancefloor action, cinnamon-flavoured makeouts, or a (very) dirty bathroom rendezvous. Cover is $5 and there’ll be a slow dance at the end of the night, just to make extra sure no one goes home alone.
And finally, if you think Valentine’s is a total joke, Yuk Yuk’s wants you. Last Comic Standing—the NBC reality show about… well, guess—is holding an open casting call at the downtown Toronto comedy club (224 Richmond Street West, 416-967-6425) from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. The best of the stand-up hopefuls will perform in a public show at 8 p.m. Tickets are $25.