Televisualist: Jericho and Bizarro!
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Televisualist: Jericho and Bizarro!

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

Unintentional humour alert: “MuchTalks: Climate Change.” Oh, yes, that’s where I want to watch a climate change discussion show: MuchMusic. Maybe they’ll bring back Master T, in his full-on I Am A Serious Veejay Mode. Actually, that would be kind of nifty, come to think. We should start a Bring Back Master T campaign. (8 p.m.)
Okay, it might not be everybody’s favorite episode of Friends, but “The One With The Jellyfish” is an underappreciated classic, if only because of Joey proclaiming how proud he was to urinate on Monica. See, it’s funny when you take things out of context! (City, 10 p.m.)
Fun documentary: “Mr. and Mrs. Bin Laden.” About Osama bin Laden’s son, and how he married a grandmother twice his age. Seriously! That’s weird! (Newsworld, 10 p.m.)

Tuesday

Jericho is back after its gleefully psychotic fans threw a lot of peanuts at CBS (don’t ask), but Televisualist doesn’t mind, because Jericho was already a pretty cool show, and now that the bad guys have been revealed as, essentially, a Dick Cheney wet dream sequence, it is even better. That having been said, there has not yet been enough starvation and suffering so far this season, so they better ramp up the proto-fascism into real honest-to-god fascism sooner rather than later. (CBS, 10 p.m.)
American Idol is finally through the more-boring-every-year audition episodes, and now into the more-fake-every-year Hollywood rounds. Who will “collapse under the pressure”? Who will “rise above the pack to become a new star-in-the-making”? Who will become this year’s top 24? I personally am hoping for more Sanjaya Malakar, myself. That kid was seriously goddamned crazy-ass. (CTV, 8 p.m.)

Wednesday

What Women Want wasn’t very funny when it came out, and it isn’t funny now, but back then it managed to make rather a lot of money based mostly on the fact that people thought Mel Gibson was charming. Nowadays, Mel Gibson is a crazy anti-Semitic kook with a giant beard, so it’s aged badly. However, you can have a great deal of fun with it by turning down the volume and playing “Mel Gibson’s What The Jews Are Really Thinking About You.” (City, 9 p.m.)
The all-time most insane episode of Sealab 2021 is “Bizarro,” and after you watch it you will be yelling “BIZARRO” at your friends for days. Also, kudos to Teletoon for having the balls to list a show that is literally years old as “new” on the schedule because they’ve never aired it before. Hey, does anybody else remember those old NBC summertime promo spots where they tried to make reruns seem sexy with the tagline, “If You Missed It… It’s New To You!” They should try that with food at the supermarket. “Maybe you should have eaten this sandwich three days ago instead of now, but… It’s New To You!” (9:45 p.m.)

Thursday

We here at Televisualist have ragged on Cashmere Mafia previously, as a PG-rated Sex In The City ripoff that blows chunks. However, we must say this in its defence: it is better than the odious, horrible Lipstick Jungle, a show that tells us that what powerful, rich New York City women really need to get through the day is cupcake-and-crying parties and strong men giving them a good fucking. One of these days, somebody is going to do a show about empowered, successful women who are actually empowered, and the world is going to goddamn end in nuclear fire, I swear. (A-Channel, 10 p.m.)
The 39th Annual NAACP Image Awards! Over/under on the number of times somebody says “Barack Obama” during the telecast: 31. (FOX, 8 p.m.)

Friday

TRASH CLASSIC ALERT! From Justin To Kelly! Oh my god all of you must watch this! It is the Kelly Clarkson movie! And also the Justin guy, with the hair that looks like a mop! No, I’m not kidding even a little, you have to watch this, if only to understand the gay subculture references of ten years from now. (A-Channel, 9 p.m.)
And two hours of Las Vegas, the show that doesn’t have James Caan on it anymore so why do they still make it? I mean, Tom Selleck? Really. Tom Selleck. Sigh. It’s like you had a fine bottle of proper champagne, and then NBC showed up and decided what you really wanted was Spumante Bambino. (Global, 9 p.m.)

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