Televisualist: Gorillas, Brits, And Lots Of Tits
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Televisualist: Gorillas, Brits, And Lots Of Tits

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious is actually the second season of Who Wants To Be The Next Pussycat Doll, except that the previous show ended up embarrassing the Pussycat Dolls when the winner realized she had much better things to do than be a member of the Pussycat Dolls. This time around, the Pussycat Dolls have opted to have the winners of the show make their own girl group, instead of just having one winner be a new Pussycat Doll. This of course worked wonders for O-Town, Da Band, Danity Kane, Day 26, Sureshot, Upper Street, and $hamrock. (City, 10 p.m.)
It is the final, two-hour episode of Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann. I’m sure you all have fond memories and are looking forward eagerly to when, at the end of this episode, they reveal the next round of “celebrities” appearing on Dancing With The Stars. Me, I’m just waiting for So You Think You Can Dance? to air again so I can see actual good dancing on my teevee. (ABC, 8 p.m.)

Tuesday

Tonight on Nova: the secret mental lives of great apes. There are gorillas and orangutans. Repeat: gorillas and orangutans. From our perspective, we are more or less pre-sold on this one. (PBS, 8 p.m.)
Way back in the day, Spike Lee was a loud, obnoxious, and very talented filmmaker. Okay, so that line of description could also be applied to last Thursday, but even so, School Daze is a pretty damn good movie, both funny and bitingly intelligent, and well worthy of your time. (BET, 8 p.m.)

Wednesday

Televisualist personally has no interest in this, but obviously everybody else does, so: America’s Next Top Model makes its triumphant return for a tenth (!) season of skinny girls being bitchy at each other while wearing fabulous clothes. Also, Tyra Banks. And… I got nothing. I don’t watch this show! I’m sorry, there are limits to the amount of stupid crap I can watch in one week! (City, 8 p.m.)
Tonight on Restaurant Makeover: the episode featuring Phil’s BBQ, where, as a semi-regular, I can attest that Phil got rid of all the idiotic crap the Restaurant Makeover people thought was a good idea after about a week, tops. Which works out fine, because Phil’s is very good barbecue. Their pulled pork is fantastic. So hooray for more exposure for Phil’s. (Food Network, 8 p.m.)

Thursday

The Brit Awards! Music awards shows are generally awful, but the Brit Awards are always lots of fun, mostly because the British have the good sense not to take them too seriously. Although it turns out that this year the hosts are Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, which just goes to show that there is such a thing as being too cavalier with a silly awards show. (CBC, 8 p.m.)
Tonight’s episode of 30 Days, the sorta-documentary show created by Morgan Spurlock, is one of the best ones, because the person undergoing the experience (a hardcore anti-immigration activist, spending thirty days with a family of illegals) doesn’t undergo some amazing life change and become more tolerant as a result; at the end, he’s still the same stupid asshole he was at the beginning. Which is why the show is good: it doesn’t try to pretend that all people need to understand one another is shared experience, even if that can help. (Independent Film Channel, 8 p.m.)

Friday

The Price Is Right Million Dollar Spectacular? Really? Are we so hard up for game shows that we’re going to push The Price Is Right into prime time and boost its budget? What happened to the alligator wrestling show we were promised? Oh well, at least we get to see Bob Barker again… wait, it’s Drew Carey hosting this? Aw, man… (SunTV, 8 p.m.)
Hey! Here’s a new game show: Amne$ia! And it’s hosted by… oh, god, Dennis Miller. No, never mind, Drew Carey is much preferable to Dennis Miller. (Global, 9 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Kamp Krusty.” “Gentlemen… to evil.” (CFMT, 10 p.m.)

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