Rob Ford, Bold Visionary For Canadian Heroes
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Rob Ford, Bold Visionary For Canadian Heroes

City councillor Rob Ford has at times been accused of making a career out of saying tremendously stupid things, but we here at Torontoist fully back his latest proposal to automatically name all new streets in Toronto after dead soldiers, even if the dead soldiers aren’t from Toronto.
If anything, we think Rob Ford doesn’t go far enough. Sure, families of Canadian soldiers killed in action receive an immediate $250,000 death benefit plus an ongoing earning loss benefit until the soldier would have turned 65, but is that really enough compensation, even with a street name on top of that? Can’t we do more to immortalize their sacrifice?
Torontoist hereby proposes the following four-point Memorial Action Plan for the names of all dead soldiers:
1. Streets renamed after dead soldiers. After all, most new streets in Toronto nowadays are dinky little side alleys. Surely our brave boys in uniform deserve better than, for example, Ben Kerr (no matter how tasty his hot sauce was). And besides, let’s be honest––nobody thought “Sherbourne” or “Adelaide” sounded good anyway. Under Torontoist’s plan, within ten years every street in Toronto will be renamed after a dead Canadian soldier. You won’t be able to get stuck in traffic without remembering their brave sacrifices.
2. Renaming of all city parks after dead soldiers. Reverence for the military must begin at an early age; indoctrinate the sandbox-playing kids of today and tomorrow you’ve bred a population with one hundred percent respect. (Possible extra component: removal of “jungle gym” from public lexicon, replace with “sacrifice gym.”)
3. Rename CN Tower “Dead Canadian Soldier Hero Tower Of Hero Soldiers.”
4. Okay, at this point the cocktail napkin is kind of getting smudgy so it’s getting hard to reproduce all the brilliant ideas, but we’re pretty sure this one is about a system of badges all citizens would be compelled to wear. Or maybe it’s a song, there seem to be some musical notes in the margin. Actually, it might be both, and the badges might have those little microchips in them, the ones that make music when you press on them.
In any case, Rob Ford is most certainly not just a foolish hack spouting forth ridiculous ideas with no forethought in a desperate attempt to fetishize the military in order to score political points, and that’s what’s important. And that’s why Torontoist totally endorses his idea.
Original photo by skechy from the Torontoist Flickr Pool. Photo illustration by Christopher Bird.