More Snow Than Expected, More Money Than Expected, More Shaq News Than Expected
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More Snow Than Expected, More Money Than Expected, More Shaq News Than Expected

It’s snowing again! This gives Torontoist yet another opportunity to bust out a pretty picture of streets clogged with snow, and it gives the rest of Canada the opportunity to go, “Hey, how come those Toronto folks can’t deal with a little snow ha ha ha don’t they have plows?” Then we say, “No, we don’t have enough plows, fuckers, because it turns out everybody else is entirely happy to suck money off us and not give us any of it back.” Then they punch us, and we punch back, and it ends with black eyes and everybody drunk at the bar… no, wait, that was that wedding we went to last week! Never mind.
Tornadoes rip through southern United States. The storms and tornadoes, so far responsible for at least fifty deaths, began on Super Tuesday, thus proving what many have long believed: God hates democracy and wishes for us to live in theocratic dictatorships.
Province projects $750 million surplus. Tentative plans are to put it all in a big swimming pool so Dalton McGuinty can dive into it and swim about and yell “whee!”
Britney Spears inexplicably in news. She did something that a lot of people thought was crazy-ish or at least eccentric, and it made the front pages of many newspapers. In tomorrow’s news: something about Lindsay Lohan.
Heath Ledger died of an accidental overdose of drugs he was legally prescribed to take. Expect apologies from all those who called him a horrible pampered coward who committed suicide to come exactly never.
Finally, Shaquille O’Neal traded to the Phoenix Suns in a massive trade. O’Neal is expected to contribute size, power, another mediocre rap album, and at least one family-friendly movie that ends in massive box office failure to the Suns.
Photo by room929 from the Torontoist Flickr Pool.