It's Cold, Obama Wins Big, And Worst. Heist. EVER.
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It’s Cold, Obama Wins Big, And Worst. Heist. EVER.

Extreme cold alert! Be forewarned that this extreme cold is not extreme in the sense of “it is totally radical like Doritos and Mountain Dew,” but rather extreme in the sense of “it can kill you if you stay out in it too long.” Environment Canada will discuss the prospects of the extreme cold’s effect on totally shredding slopes with your snowboard later today.
Barack Obama thumps Hillary Clinton over the weekend, with impressively large victories in Maine, Nebraska, Washington and Louisiana. Meanwhile, in contrast, John McCain only won one of three primary contests this weekend, losing the other two to Mike “Evolution, Schmevolution” Huckabee, and only winning Washington with twenty-six percent of the vote in a contest where quit-the-race crazy-ass Ron Paul and quit-the-race plastic man Mitt Romney both got into twenty percent support. This is how popular John McCain is: he’s the frontrunner and he has trouble beating the guys who already dropped out.
Four incredibly expensive paintings stolen in least glamorous art heist ever. I mean, seriously: these goons just barged in with pistols and held people at gunpoint while they stole a Monet, a Cezanne, a Degas and a Van Gogh. Police describe the crime as “uninspired.” Said one constable, “Where was the time-released capsule of sleeping gas to effortlessly knock out the guards? The clever diversion involving a lovely woman and an adorable dog? The brilliant forgery left behind in its place so nobody knows it is missing for weeks? This isn’t even worth calling up a glamorous investigator for. We’re all very disappointed in these thieves.”
Queen’s Park may adopt earlier sessions. The Liberals have proposed that daily proceedings begin at 9:30 in the morning rather than at 1:30 in the afternoon. Most opposed to this change: the press pool, who really, really liked sleeping in.
And NBC is considering airing Rockstar Curling, which is a reality show about rock stars playing curling. Torontoist feels no particular need to make a joke here. We are superfluous to the process.
Photo by Trachsi from the Torontoist Flickr Pool.