The Most Wonderful Day of The Year
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The Most Wonderful Day of The Year

HA HA HA HA HA HA HAThis just in: Conrad Black has been sentenced to six and a half years in prison for his role in “misappropriating” (which is Rich People for “stealing”) millions of dollars from the Hollinger newspaper empire, and for obstructing justice by allowing certain documents, which would have determined whether or not he was guilty of the nine charges he managed to evade (including racketeering), to “disappear.”
Now, of course the National Post is all over this story, with the usual tut-tutting that one more or less expects from the Post whenever somebody says something bad about a rich person. “[T]oday the orgy of schadenfreude will hit its peak,” they write, clearly concerned with our national character. After all, Rush Limbaugh wrote a very nice letter to the judge saying what a nice person Conrad Black is, and who can argue with Rush Limbaugh?
Well, you know what? Fuck Conrad Black. He’s a repugnant stain on our national character. The best day in Conrad Black’s life, so far as everybody who is not Conrad Black is concerned, was the day that he renounced his Canadian citizenship—a prize millions of people would do just about anything to achieve—so that he could put on a stupid ermine robe and pretend to be nobly born. I’m sure it did wonders for his sex life with Barbara “Queen of the Harpies” Amiel, but to some of us, Canadian citizenship is a privilege.
This is why we consider the fact that Black’s renunciation of his citizenship has come back to bite him in the ass entirely right and proper. When Black says, with the sort of deluded and privileged worldview that is truly impressive to behold, that “Canadians really are getting behind me,” he doesn’t seem to realize that it’s because behind him is the best place to boot his ass out of the country.
Bottom line? He committed crimes, acted like a supercilious jackass in court, and now he’s going to jail for six years. Sometimes the system works.
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