Televisualist: The Week Including And After Christmas
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Televisualist: The Week Including And After Christmas

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

Christmas stuff airing tonight: It’s A Wonderful Life again (CBC, 8 p.m.), The Grinch again (ABC, 8 p.m.), the horrifically bad Christmas with The Kranks (W, 9 p.m.) and something called Davey and Goliath’s Snowboard Christmas, where the description is “a snowboarding adventure teaches the importance of the Nativity.” You can’t just make this stuff up, folks. (SunTV, 8 p.m.)
As an alternative to Christmas junk, Forrest Gump airs tonight, and that at least promises to entertain and delight all those who do not loathe Forrest Hump. Televisualist personally thinks the sly satire of the film gets overlooked more often than it should be. (A&E, 8 p.m.)

Tuesday

Nothing says “Christmas” like “pirates,” so CBC is airing the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie tonight. If this is insufficiently Christmassy for you, Televisualist suggests that you put some tinsel on your head first so that Johnny Depp looks all sparkly. (8 p.m.)
One of the best South Park episodes in recent history, “Simpsons Already Did It,” airs tonight on the Comedy Network. Luckily Televisualist has no such qualms about outright stealing bits from The Simpsons, or half the time there wouldn’t even be a column! (9:30 p.m.)
SunTV airs a movie entitled The Christmas Box. We will just sit back and let you make your own dick-in-a-box joke. (8 p.m.)

Wednesday

No way Televisualist doesn’t mention one of our favorite movies: Dave, the 1993 classic about Kevin Kline as a normal guy forced to imitate the President. Featuring a rare appearance by a pre-shaven-head Ving Rhames. (Family Channel, 8 p.m.)
If you missed the 2007 BET Hip-Hop Awards – well, now’s your chance, because BET is rerunning them. Hooray for the holidays! (BET, 8 p.m.)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “She Of Little Faith,” where Lisa converts to Buddhism and Richard Gere shows up without so much as a single hamster joke. (Comedy Network, 9 p.m.)

Thursday

Muchmusic airs something called “Best Virgin Videos,” which despite sounding porny is actually 50 “first” videos by various big stars. Depending on how willing they are to really pull out the cheese, this could either be hilarious or boring. (8 p.m.)
If you’re jonesing for more The Biggest Loser and can’t wait the, like, three weeks until NBC starts cranking it out again—Slice has you fixed up with The Biggest Loser: Australia. Watching fat people avoid Tim Tams has never been so… on television. (10 p.m.)

Friday

Muchmoremusic airs the first episodes of Scott Baio is 45… and Single tonight. I honestly can’t even make fun of this. It would be redundant. Thank you, Scott Baio. I stand here in awe. (10 p.m.)
Film 101 this week features a discussion about The Producers and The Cable Guy as “two movies that were originally panned but gained popularity later.” When did The Cable Guy get popular? I must have missed that. (TVO, 10:30 p.m.)

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