Televisualist: Moon, Swords, and Lots Of Words
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Televisualist: Moon, Swords, and Lots Of Words

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

In a never-ending quest to remain relevant in the shifting ephemera of pop culture, Slice airs the first episode of the Canadian version of Project Runway, hosted by a man. Oh, sorry, I mean hosted by Iman. Wow…twenty years later and I’m still not tired of that joke. (10 p.m.)
It’s only been two episodes so far, but Televisualist is willing to go out on a limb and say that we like Journeyman, mostly because they’re really paying attention to the details of the times he’s traveling to, but also because Moon Bloodgood is both smoking hot and has a name like a savage barbarian princess. (Global, 10 p.m.)

Tuesday

Tonight’s episode of Nova is a brand new episode about “the secrets of the samurai sword.” Secret #1: the word “katana” was considered to be too difficult for the average member of the viewing public thumbing through their TV Guide. (PBS, 8 p.m.)
You can get a double dose of classic Streisand tonight, as TCM airs two of her best: Funny Girl at 5:15 p.m, followed by Hello, Dolly! at 8 p.m. Assuming you like Barbra Streisand. Or musicals. If you like neither of these things, this may not be your deal.
If you don’t like Barbra, The Running Man is on tonight, and it is still the only science-fiction movie starring Richard Dawson as the villain! So how can you not watch it? (Sun TV, 8 p.m.)

Wednesday

It’s election night! Starting at 8:30 p.m. on CTV and Global (or 9 p.m. on the CBC), you too can find out all the details of how whichever charisma-less void we ended up electing Premier did the trick. Seriously, Dalton McGuinty, John Tory and Howard Hampton? Couldn’t we have mixed it up a bit and elected a party leader with a monocle or something?
Showcase’s airing of the third season of Weeds kicks off tonight, and its proximity to the election results is about as close as as we’ll get to marijuana legalization anytime in the next five years. (10 p.m.)

Thursday

If you’re still jonesing for politics, the newest episode of Mad Men has the staff working overtime on election night—except their election night is between John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon. The show will no doubt simulate the pristine era when people actually thought politics mattered. (AMC, 10 p.m.)
Tonight’s hour-long Office features the launch of Dunder Mifflin’s new website, Dunder Mifflin Infinity. Televisualist makes no apologies for thinking that the mere phrase “Dunder Mifflin Infinity” is goddamned hilarious. (Global, 9 p.m.)
Tonight on Star!—brand new episodes of “Look-A-Like,” the show that makes unfamous people look like famous people. Tonight’s ideals are Christina Ricci and Salma Hayek. The show is sponsored by the word “creepy.” (8 p.m.)

Friday

Tonight on Torchwood, a sex-addicted alien invades Earth. Pick your joke: 1.) “So basically this is like every other episode of Torchwood“; 2.) “Wow, a horny alien? What’s that doing in a show targeted at lonely nerds?” (CBC, 9 p.m.)
Teletoon airs Batman Returns—WAIT, THAT IS NOT A CARTOON! I CALL SHENANIGANS! SOMEBODY ALERT THE CRTC! (9 p.m.)

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