Televisualist: Applegate, Dore, And Vampires (More)
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Televisualist: Applegate, Dore, And Vampires (More)

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

Samantha Who? debuts tonight, if you’re one of the few people left on the planet Earth who deeply, deeply cares about the career of Christina Applegate. I understand they call themselves “Applegatinis” and always skip instead of walking. (A-Channel, 9:30 p.m.)
Someone emailed Televisualist this week asking us our opinion on Aliens In America. Our response: it’s pretty good (not outstandingly great, but pretty good), and Amy Pietz’s Wisconsin mama is hilarious. You’re welcome. (SunTV, 8:30 p.m.)
And we would be remiss if we did not mention that this week’s episode of Chuck, entitled “Chuck Versus The Wookie,” misspells “Wookiee.” Jeez, it’s a show for nerds, you’d think they’d bother to get the little things right! (City, 8 p.m.)

Tuesday

CMT has its new reality show, The Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search. You know what’s hilarious? The film Coyote Ugly was based on a bar not named “Coyote Ugly,” but it was successful enough to spawn a series of spinoff bars that were called “Coyote Ugly.” Somewhere, Marshall McLuhan is hoisting a fizzy drink and laughing at you. (8 p.m.)
“Road to Rhode Island,” one of the approximately six episodes of Family Guy that is actually funny, airs tonight. If you can tolerate Family Guy, then it’s your lucky night. (KTLA, 9:30 p.m.)

Wednesday

Fun facts you may not know: 1) .Messageboard fans of Canadian Idol disparagingly referred to Jon Dore, when he was doing his man-in-the-crowd shtick, as “Wacky,” thus making Dore one of the few people in entertainment who lost out when being actively compared to Ben Mulroney; 2.) Tonight’s premier episode of The Jon Dore Show starts off with Dore talking to his aunt about his undescended testicle in the belief that simply hearing a sweet old lady say the words “jerk off” is hilarious; 3.) It isn’t; 4.) The Jon Dore Show is an excellent example of Canadian television’s tendency to push mediocre comedians on us over and over again because, hey, somebody else once gave them exposure on the teevee, and that’s all that matters when all you care about is the tax break. (See also: Kurt, Elvira.) (Comedy Network, 10 p.m.)
Also, Dore’s ugly-ass beard aside, tonight is apparently Werewolf Night, what with you having your pick of An American Werewolf In London (SunTV, 8 p.m.) and Underworld (City, 9 p.m.). (Hint: pick American Werewolf.)

Thursday

Starweek refers to Viva Laughlin thusly: “This could be a surprise hit or a colossal train wreck.” This is because at some point Starweek lost all their balls and became flatly unwilling to call out dogshit television for what it was. Here’s a more accurate summary: Viva Laughlin is Cop Rock without the sense of style. (CBS, 10 p.m.)
How – about – a – nice – game – of – chess? That’s right, kiddies—WarGames. If you haven’t seen it, kick back, because it’s a classic and I’m apparently old now. God, look how young Matthew Broderick is in this flick! (Vision, 9 p.m.)

Friday

The Next Great American Band is American Idol, except for bands. That’s all you need to know, really, except that instead of a snotty British judge who tells it like it is, this time around they have a snotty Australian judge. Innovation! (A-Channel, 8 p.m.)
And if you are one of those people saying to yourself that you really want to watch a television show about a vampire private detective on Friday nights at 9 p.m., but you think Moonlight sucks, well, Space is airing Blood Ties now, so hurray, dilemma solved! (Alternately, you could always just watch Friday Night Lights. In fact, watch it and tape the vampire show if you’re torn.)

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