If there’s anything Jesus loves more than flattery, it’s porn stars. Well, technically, Jesus loves everyone—even those little teenage tramps and their HPV vaccines—but now, ol’ JHC is adding some marketing pizzazz to that affection.
Since deities also love acting all obscure and ambiguous, the Michigan-based XXX Church (savvy!) has taken it upon themselves to declare that Jesus wants you to stop looking at porn and instead find titillation in scripture. And they’ve set their sites squarely on Toronto for next month’s Everything To Do With Sex Show (October 19–21), where XXX will be handing out free bibles emblazoned with a 70s-style “Jesus Loves Porn Stars” logo.
The Toronto event is prominently featured on the church’s website, with a countdown placed above a “Porn Show Bible Meter” indicating about 3,000 bibles slated for distribution during the show so far; more with further financial support. Pastors Craig Gross and Mike Foster first started handing out New Testaments at the AVN awards in 2002, and even engaged in dialogue earlier this year with adult film legend Ron Jeremy. After the conversation, Gross reported that Jeremy has a “God-shaped hole” that “only God can fill,” which actually sounds pretty filthy to us.
The unconventional message is meant to draw attention to a new, more aggressive kind of evangelicalism spearheaded by fundamentalist youth and heavily influenced by pop culture. The American Bible Society condemned the “Jesus Loves Porn Stars” cover, worried that the slogan might mislead people to think that Jesus loves pornography instead of the porn stars themselves—which makes us wonder how they believe a passage like “let all children come unto me” could possibly be interpreted. Plus, we don’t think pornographs were even invented back then.
Most attendees at the ETDWS Show will likely pick up one of the tomes simply out of ironic kitsch value and continue on with their naughty, naughty ways. But that’s OK, because Jesus apparently still loves everyone unconditionally. In fact, the Bible shows Jesus only really angry at the Pharisees—for misinterpreting scripture and imposing their impossible, man-made laws upon matters of purity.