Televisualist: Kids, Fries, and Number Five
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Televisualist: Kids, Fries, and Number Five

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

Prison Break kicks off season number three with a bunch of its cast stuck in a Panamanian prison this time around, so you can’t say that this show doesn’t live up to its title. If there’s a prison to break out of, this show will break out of that prison! Let’s see if Michael Scofield has tattoos for breaking out of this prison, am I right? (8 p.m., Global)
Fox debuts K-Ville, its new show about cops in New Orleans post-Katrina. Anthony Anderson stars. Presumably this will be Anthony Anderson in Serious Actor mode, as opposed to Anthony Anderson in Loud Shouty Comic Relief Black Man mode, but you never can tell. Anthony Anderson is a man of many layers. (9 p.m.)
And NBC has “another smash episode” of The Singing Bee, which is exactly like Fox’s Don’t Forget The Lyrics! except with Joey Fatone instead of Wayne Brady. God, please let the traditional-format game show fad end already. (9 p.m.)

Tuesday

CBC reruns Talking To Americans. Yes, again. HAY GUYS DID YOU KNOW MURRICANS THINK WE ALL LIVES IN IGLOOZ? CUZ THEY DOES (9 p.m.)
Sure, maybe it’s in its second season elsewhere, but Space has Kyle XY now, and you can catch it from the beginning since they air the pilot tonight! Space: the channel for people who don’t want to buy the already-available DVD box set. (9 p.m.)
And for the cinematically inclined, SUNTV has Hudson Hawk. Which, yes, on the one hand is a truly, truly terrible movie, but on the other hand has James Coburn beating the tar out of Bruce Willis and David Caruso as a deadly secret agent/mime. Torontoist trusts that its point is made. (8 p.m.)

Wednesday

Kid Nation debuts tonight, and it’s already the most controversial television show of the new season because, we are told, it treats the kids like slaves and lets them be all alone to get in potential danger (well, except for the cameramen and production assistants all hovering just offscreen, but according to the Laws Of Reality Teevee they aren’t actually there)! Bottom line for those freaking out: it’s a clever idea, the parents of said kids all knew what they were getting their kids into, and advance screenings all indicate that the show is actually pretty interesting. So chill. (CBS, 8 p.m.)
Also debuting tonight: Kitchen Nightmares. Torontoist absolutely loves the original British version of this show, wherein Gordon Ramsay shows up at crappy failing restaurants, shows them how to not be crappy failing restaurants, then comes back a few months later to see if they followed his advice (and are now successful) or didn’t (and are now bankrupt). With luck, this American version will continue to let Ramsay be the concerned-but-still-a-mouthy-dick-who-demands-the-best chef we all know and love. (Fox, 9 p.m.)

Thursday

Survivor comes back for one more go-round, this time taking its survivors to China, where they will be forced to engage in sweatshop labour and drink lead-tainted water… Oh, no, sorry, they’re just going to be running obstacle courses again. Also of note: after two seasons with extremely diverse and interesting casts, we’re back to “a bunch of mostly-attractive white people and a few token minorities.” Still, Survivor is almost always an interesting show to watch, if only for the interpersonal politics and Jeff Probst being a self-righteous dickhead. He hosted Rock and Roll Jeopardy, you know! (CBS, 8 p.m.)
A new episode of Colour Confidential airs tonight, in case you were interested in watching a half-hour commercial for Benjamin Moore paint. (W Network, 9 p.m.)
And tonight on Fries With That?: There is no hope for humanity. The universe descends, inevitably, towards lifeless entropy. (YTV, 8:30 p.m.)

Friday

Tonight’s episode of Zero Hour focuses on Operation Barras, a hostage rescue operation performed by the SAS in Sierra Leone in 2000. Technically this sounds a bit like cheating since Zero Hour is supposed to focus on disasters that were over in an hour, and the operation wasn’t really disastrous, but what the heck. (History Television, 9 p.m.)
And if you’re looking for a little light entertainment before going out for the evening and getting drunk, Family Channel airs Short Circuit early on, and since it’s Family Channel that means no commercials. NO DISASSEMBLE, STEPHANIE! (7:30 p.m.)

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