Televisualist: Idol, Ra's, and Multipass
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Televisualist: Idol, Ra’s, and Multipass

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

It all goes down tonight! Canadian Idol‘s final two contestants—I think they’re both guys, but honestly, we haven’t checked, because the visage of Ben Mulroney terrifies us in ways we cannot adequately explain—sing for a lifetime’s worth of suppers. Of course, this is still Canadian Idol, so it’s basically a duller version of American Idol with lower highs and higher lows. Which sort of works as an example of Canadian TV trying to copy American TV in general. (CTV, 8 p.m.)
If you don’t give a shit about Idol, the E! network very briefly validates its entire existence by playing Batman Begins. Thrill to Liam Neeson’s portrayal of the suddenly-Irish Ra’s Al Ghul! (8 p.m.)

Tuesday

Flight of the Conchords has been described to us more than once as “Seinfeld for hipsters.” We are unsure if they meant that as a compliment (“it’s defining TV for our generation!”) or an insult (“it’s dogshit that you can only enjoy on an ironic level!”). Either way, it’s a “new” episode tonight, assuming you don’t have satellite TV or access to the Internet. (TMN #4, 8:30 p.m.)
Gilmore Girls airs for the last time in prime time tonight and we are not depressed about that. Shut up. We’re manly, goddamnnit! We are not going to stay up nights wondering where Rory’s life will take her and how many kids Luke and Lorelei will have! (The CW, 8 p.m.)
Also, more Canadian Idol. With Jon Bon Jovi. Whooooo. (CTV, 8 p.m.)

Wednesday

TLC wins the Holy Shit That’s A Title Award this week with I’d Kill For A Baby. Which is actually a documentary show about child abduction, so more accurately we think it would be titled I’d Be Extremely Willing To Steal A Baby, but let’s give them props for trying to sell the thing. (8 p.m.)
CMT replays the Johnny Cash Memorial Concert, the one that was performed back in 2003. But it’s still an awesome concert, well worth your time. Even Kid Rock doesn’t suck. Brooks and Dunn do, but their airtime is short. (9 p.m.)

Thursday

One of the best episodes of The Office‘s third season, “Beach Games,” re-runs on NBC and Global tonight. This one is a classic if only for Stanley’s brief spurt of excitement at the prospect of promotion, which quickly drizzles back down again into apathy. Also, is it not hilarious that Creed Bratton is actually playing himself on this show? (9 p.m.)
If you’re in the mood for something less modern, there’s always Quest For Fire, the great 1981 adventure movie about cavemen. Featuring a very young Ron Perlman! (SUNTV, 7 p.m.)
And TBS again airs The Fifth Element. Not that this is newsworthy, really, but… mull-teeeee-pass! (9 p.m.)

Friday

Since the new fall season debuts don’t start for at least another week, it’s kind of rough going on Friday nights right now. If you like cartoons, though—and who doesn’t like cartoons?—YTV debuts the new series Storm Hawks tonight with a two-part premiere episode. (7 p.m.)
And if you like Bob Saget—and who doesn’t like Bob Saget? Oh, right, a lot of people—then you can always catch a rerun of the game show 1 vs. 100. Washed-up comedians everywhere are now insanely thankful for the game show craze sweeping American television; you’ve got to figure that Gilbert Gottfried and Jason Alexander are just waiting by their phones for the call to host Are You Tougher Than An Angry Pig? (NBC, 8 p.m.)

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