Black Staying, Ontario Stagnating, Stray Cats Strutting
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Black Staying, Ontario Stagnating, Stray Cats Strutting

2007_08_02_unlucky.jpgEmployees of the Alcohol and Gaming Commission, which now oversees the Ontario Lottery Gaming Corporation, will not be permitted to buy lottery tickets in Ontario. A representative of the affected staffers complained, “why do you think we wanted to work here in the first place?” before shotgunning a 40-ouncer of Absolut and collapsing to the ground.
Who says you can’t go home again? Well, if you’re former Canuck Conrad Black, Judge Amy St. Eve does. She ruled that in spite of posting a substantial bond, there remained a risk that a repatriated Black wouldn’t return to the United States for sentencing. Authorities at Pearson Airport breathed a sigh of relief at not having to provide crowd control for the adoring throngs who would surely have turned up to greet the disgraced press baron.
While we’re not yet officially poor, Ontario’s economic status is rapidly deteriorating. An economic survey predicts that within a few years, we could be looking for handouts from resource-rich Alberta and rising star Saskatchewan. Premier Dalton McGuinty blamed economists for the province’s woes and vowed to respond to the threat by raising taxes.
A Toronto Humane Society representative blames the city’s current stray cat population explosion on global warming, saying that unusually warm winter temperatures are causing cats to mate three times a year rather than the usual two (about twice as often as the average Torontoist writer). He pleaded with cats out for an evening on the town to stick to heavy petting.
Photo by Alejandro Sandoval from Torontoist Flickr pool.