Trump's Tower Will Tower Less, City Orders Spending Cuts, And We Apologize For Running Out Of Conrad Black Gags
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Trump’s Tower Will Tower Less, City Orders Spending Cuts, And We Apologize For Running Out Of Conrad Black Gags

saladspritzer.jpgDonald Trump’s Toronto hotel will only be 57 storeys, rather than 70. Experts explain that this is because Donald Trump’s penis is smaller than previously believed. (Extra hilarity from The Donald’s spokesperson: “The more residents we had, the more the elevators were going to be used and that wasn’t what we wanted in an exclusive building like the Trump.” Yes. Pity the poor, poor elevators. You have to know that Donald Trump worries about the elevators greatly.)
Mississauga man comes in second at the World Series of Poker. Tuan Lam walked away with $4.84 million for his efforts. Which is better than a kick in the ass, to be sure.
David Miller orders spending cuts in public service. City officials are also ordered to check underneath all the cushions for lost change.
NDP MP suggests stripping Conrad Black of his Order of Canada. Charlie Angus points out that now that Black is a convicted felon, he kind of detracts from Canada’s reputation rather than enhances it, and that there is precedent considering Alan Eagleson lost his Order of Canada for pretty much the same reason. (Torontoist is temporarily out of jokes for mocking Conrad Black. We apologize for the inconvenience, and suggest that to keep amusement at maximum, that you think back to Chekov in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home saying “nuclear wessel.”)
And the Jays lost 3–2 to the Yankees last night.
Photo originally via dlisted.com.

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