Nelly Sweeps The Junos, We’re Number Fifteen, and Raptors Playoff-Bound

By Christopher Bird

Nelly Furtado wins five Junos. Clearly, we will respect her if we get it. In other news, Jim Cuddy won the Juno for best adult alternative album, which means he did the best job of taking actual alternative music, dropping it to quarter-speed and setting it to acoustic guitar.
Toronto is number fifteen! In the annual Mercer Human Resource Consulting review of best cities in Canada the world to live in, that is. Every Canadian city in the survey (Toronto, Vancouver, Ottawa, Calgary and Montreal) ranked in the top 25. Vancouver placed third (behind Zurich and Geneva), and I bet those smug hippie bastards aren’t going to let anybody forget that any time soon.
The second part of the IPCC report says that Canada and the USA are “ill-prepared” to adapt to almost-certain impacts from climate change. Environmentalists respond with a group “no, really?”
Third pet food company recalls some of their products after learning some of their wheat gluten may have been tainted. Del Monte Pet Products has issued a recall for Jerky Treats, Gravy Train, Ol’ Roy Beef and Pounce Meaty Morsels Moist Chicken Flavour Cat Treats. (That sentence was ridiculously fun to write. There should be pet food recalls more often.)
Proposal to ban leaf blowers in Toronto rejected by city council. Councillor Denzil Minnan-Wong, in his argument against the initiative, went to the trusted “nanny state” well. Remember, attempting to ban leaf blowers is only the first step in the crushing march of totalitarianism! Once the leaf blowers are gone, Zombie Stalin rises from the grave!
And the Raptors clinch their playoff berth. Sports radio programs have already begun making fun of Vince Carter. Well. More fun of Vince Carter.
Original image via globeandmail.com.