Carpenters Win The Lotto, Sofa Set Insultingly Described, And We Must Beat Those Left Coast Hippies On Emissions Standards
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Carpenters Win The Lotto, Sofa Set Insultingly Described, And We Must Beat Those Left Coast Hippies On Emissions Standards

lottokid.jpgOne of two winning lotto tickets in Wednesday’s $38.7 million Lotto 6/49 jackpot has been turned in by twenty carpenters. That means there is one more winning ticket worth $19.7 million out there, people! It is time for the wacky Dave Barry-esque hijinks and capers to commence! I call dibs on conning an old lady out of her wheelchair by wearing an obviously fake moustache and pretending to be Ringo Starr. (Also amusing: the article noting that the carpenters all plan to continue working, as if winning less than a million dollars is cause to quit one’s job and live idyllically on a desert island somewhere.)
A Kazakh real estate developer has begun work to put an 80-storey condo/hotel on the southeast corner of Yonge and Bloor. Torontoist’s Marc Lostracco goes into more detail on the project here. But that is where the Harvey’s is! Where will we go now to get Harvey’s? They already shut down the Harvey’s at Queen and Lansdowne! This is an anti-Harvey’s conspiracy! WAKE UP, PEOPLE!
Woman discovers that the packing label on her new sofa set describes the colour as “nigger brown.” The owner of the store where she bought it is completely surprised and blames the Chinese manufacturers. Moral of the story: I bet those silly names IKEA gives all its furniture don’t seem so bad now, eh? I bet that woman is wishing she’d simply bought a nice NÜTSAK brand sofa.
Ontario urged to adopt vehicle emission limits. Quebec, Nova Scotia and BC are all poised to adopt strict vehicle emission standards, so clearly Ontario has to beat them, because we are larger and more important than they are. I mean, come on, do we really need to give the rest of the country more ammunition for hating us? (Actually, they will hate us either way, but Torontoist would prefer that their hate be out of the usual desperate envy rather than anything justified.)
Finally, an insider was key to helping police infiltrate and raid the Hell’s Angels on Wednesday. Expect his story to be told in an expensive CBC miniseries starring Michael Ironside.
Image by Reflex6002 via the Torontoist Flickr group.

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