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Psst! Wanna Buy a Toilet Seat?
If you’re in the market for an inexpensive plastic Olsonite toilet seat in “Willow Mist,” look no further than the Toronto Police Service.
Every day, the Toronto Police seize stolen property or get random items turned-in by the public, all of which used to be sold-off at an annual auction. The TTC also sold-off unclaimed property every May and November, which netted bargain hunters steep discounts on things like iPods, digital cameras, jewelry—and especially umbrellas.
In an attempt to update the auction process, the TPS and TTC (along with Rite Auctions) started dumping the merchandise on eBay a few years ago, and what a consistently bizarre haul it is.
There’s a billiard cue, a giant roll of stretch plastic meat wrap, a carafe of chili citrus bay leaf vinegar, an enormous spool of digital broadband cable and even a box of low-cal sweetener packets. Act fast if you’re looking for a Pierre Cardin checkered bedskirt or a handcrafted straw piglet—items are only up for a week.
Items are also sold in lots (multiple items together), which is great for jewelry, sunglasses, and for anyone who happens to need fourteen Body Glove cases for a very specific Motorola mobile phone. The largest lot currently listed includes 110 pairs of poorly-made boys’ skates, currently bidding for $0.99.
The big deals are on the many, many bicycles that are listed throughout the year, and if you’ve had yours stolen and it was never reported, you might just be able to buy it back for ten bucks. A heavy industrial wire stitcher machine—whatever that is—normally selling at retail for $2,200 is bidding at only $31. Most of the products are in their original retail packaging, which is good news for those in the market for an electric razor, thong underwear or that aforementioned toilet seat, which “won’t chip, crack, or peel,” consequently.
Probably the most amusing part of the site are the hyperbolic comments describing each item. A Tommy Bahama Hawaiian silk shirt is for those who “enjoy good food, splendid beaches, and a calm, easy way of life,” while his-and-hers Hilfiger t-shirts are for anyone who wants to “look cutting edge sporty.” A summer dress may be 100% polyester, but it’s “lined with silky white material for added comfort,” and Skechers wedge sandals are “a good way to show those sexy feet.” Like all items of clothing up for auction, the sandals are new, so they won’t yet have that raunchy sandal smell that wafts throughout the city every summer.
Also worth a chuckle are some of the captions listed with the items. One of the staffers is shown kissing a handmade chicken-shaped basket and features the explanation, “we just want to be alone.” Buyers are begged to take a PSP off their hands lest they find a need to continue “testing it.”
The diversity of the abandoned or seized property got us to wondering what the story was behind so many of these items. Did somebody leave that box of guardian angel candles behind on a bus? What’s still on the hard drive of that Dell PC? Could an amazing art piece be made from thirty pairs of “Go Girl” ice skates listed for the rock-bottom price of only $1.25?
Merchandise is put-up for auction after 90 days, with a 30-day grace period for bicycles. All items are sold as-is without warranties. Torontoist reminds cyclists to register their serial number with the police, as futile as that may be in Toronto. Images from items currently up for auction (man-kisses and disembodied hand not included).