Mystery Meat

By Jonathan Goldsbie

Torontoist is fascinated by eviction notices. Torontoist is also fascinated by eerily-glowing things. And so it was that the mysterious yellow beacon inside the former Hot Spot Caf&#233 at Bloor and Walmer drew us towards the sign posted in its window, which proclaims:

Notice to Tenant
You are hereby notified, that a Warrant has been duly issued to Cluckberg, Gruntstein and Lowenthal LLP in accordance with the Commercial Tendencies Act, B.S. 1877 and pursuant to the desires of the community at large.
As a result of the ongoing deficiency of available foodstuffs classified under the Southern BBQ Act of 1857 ref. Matt. 11:19, and in accordance with the aforementioned Act, you are hereby notified that you have until, oh, say, about the middle of March to create and effect a plan to remedy said deficiency.

Inquiries, please contact:
Cluckberg, Gruntstein & Lowenthal LLP
Attorneys At Lunch
524 Front St. West
Suite ARF
Toronto, ON
M5V 1B8

At the bottom of the sign is the illustration reproduced above, chased, in tiny letters, by an appropriately smug “Made you look…”
Perhaps the most impressive thing about this notice is not the made-up Jewish names, or the doodle of the presumably succulent lawyers, but rather the fact that the Bible passage cited is probably relevant to the overall intent; the New International Version of Matthew 11:19 reads: The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and “sinners.” ‘ But wisdom is proved right by her actions.
Although if Torontoist were picking a New Testament passage to plug our barbecue joint (or our bakery, for that matter), we’d have to go with John 6:51.
UPDATE (July 29): The restaurant, Cluck, Grunt & Low, finally opened on July 9.