Kyoto Reaffirmed In Parliament, Ontario Mother Is Medical Miracle, and The Raptors Are On A Hot Streak

By Christopher Bird

Opposition parties pass Liberal MP Pablo Rodriguez’ private member’s bill that requires the government to meet international Kyoto targets. It passed 161-113 with all Tories present voting against it. Stephen Harper insists that there are better ways to make Canada environmentally friendly that don’t cost us money, and he will tell us what they are any day now.
Ontario mother is the first person in North America to be kept alive using an external artificial lung while she waited for donor lungs to become available. That guy from the Thomas Dolby video who shouts “SCIENCE!” responded to the news by releasing a statement. The statement said “SCIENCE!”
Funding cuts to bike lanes put us even further behind reaching our ten-year commitment to new bike lanes. Funding for new bike lanes this year was supposed to be six million bucks; instead, it is three. On the bright side, though, Toronto is still the world capital of bicycle theft!
Germany jails Ernst Zundel for five years on 14 counts of incitement. Holocaust denial is a crime in Germany, and apparently after we deported his racist ass he decided to keep going. Today, Canada weeps for Ernst Zundel. (Okay, maybe not so much with the weeping as with the openly snickering.)
It turns out maybe Cleopatra was not all that and a bag of chips. A Roman coin depicts her as sharp-nosed and thin-lipped with a protruding chin. However, she was still rich and powerful, so it turns out that despite her looks, Marc Antony was still happy to do her. That guy from the Thomas Dolby video who shouts “SCIENCE!” responded to the news by releasing a statement. The statement said “SCIENCE!” Critics responded to the statement by saying that the statement didn’t make any sense in this context.
And the Raps beat the Nets 120-109, giving them 10 wins in their last 12 games.